knee; input = output (?); morning

*curses* Left knee starting to hurt again for unknown reasons. Left about 4 months to go, please don't deteoriate.

-----------------------

Input really not equals output. What is 1 week's (or more) worth of hardwork on a term paper and drawing a huge family tree to your best ability when another person spent 2 days on it and scored a higher grade than you? Nothing.
Sometimes, it's really the end results that matters, not the process. Remind me why I should work hard again. *sigh* Yes, I know that it is because it is for my own good, that learning is often about the process and not the result. It's just demoralizing, that's all.

-----------------------

Woke up an hour later today but was only 20 minutes late for 8am lecture. Shows how much time I usually waste in the morning.
Had one of the nicest sleep on the bus today in the morning and just now on the way home. =)

I need chocolate

I have 3.5 hours left to sleep. Don't really see the point of sleeping now, actually.

Actually I really need chocolate. Like really really need it. You know like a drug addict crave drugs. I don't know how a drug craving feels like, but it could be something like what I feel. I need chocolate for all sorts of reasons.

I need chocolate. =(

*sigh*



IrefusetothinksoIresortedtodrasticmeasures

Horrible mood, lack of chocolate

I think I'm experiencing one of my mood swings right now, but it doesn't feel like a conventional one so I don't think it is. I need chocolate, crave it maybe, but I definately need it. I can't blog, can't think, can't write and I feel like I'm going to explode inside.
If I don't get my chocolate, I'm going to cry. And based on the fact that I can't eat chocolate, I think I really am going to cry.

So... yes.

Mommy, can I have my chocolate?!

No, I won't tell why I'm feeling horrible.

12.26am

Right now at 12.26am, I feel awfully calm.
Alone, but not lonely.
I yearn but yet am satisfied.
Dream seems so far away, but I don't feel terribly upset.

Have you ever had an experience where everything seem like a dream?

If it's a dream, then it's a very nice dream I had.

=)

I think I'm pretty silly

But I can't help it, I still feel this way.

Re-evoking the charm

Thursday, Feb02, 2006: "Inability to concentrate"

Oh dear/shucks/damn/fuck...

Make me concentrate, make me good, make me love my precious books.
Let me read, let me see, let me sit for an hour without turning to the PC.
Make me sit, make me read, bring me or my PC somewhere else please.

Tie me down to the seat, hold my head up from sleep,
feed me coffee, feed me food.
I don't care,
Just make me study.

Sunday, Feb05, 2006: "Charm - I'm gone"

The poem works like a charm

*poof*

I'm gone.







Will it work again?

Kaleidoscope

I'm still too tired to blog about Kaleidoscope. I'll just post some pictures taken on that day here first and then add in more words later.

Wednesday, 22nd March, 2006

On the way to VCH, spotted within compounds of St. Andrew's Cathedral

Aisle outside VCH slightly before 3pm.
Chaos you don't see when you attend a concert.

I INSISTED on taking this dumb photo below. Why? Because LY's sociology tutor and, I think, our Changing Landscapes tutor said that tourists like to pose like this. They consider the water spurting out from the mouth of the merlion to parallel that of fortune, and by posing like that, it looks as if they can catch it in their hands. The thing is we really saw tuorists doing that on the concert day itself and I wanted to take a picture of them actually doing it, but it was quite rude to do that so I didn't. Which resulted in why I INSISTED that we took this really really dumb photo below to demonstrate the idea.

Pearl, YZ, me

I'm so humiliated/embarrassed. I don't believe I actually did it, but for the sake of blogging, anything is possible. I'm so sorry, guys! Thanks for posing with me! Actually it's quite interesting, the pose.

Closer look:

RF's hand

This is the nicest picture! Her hand just happened to be in that position so I told her to freeze and adjusted it until it's like that. Really looks like the water is falling directly into her palm and the merlion looks so miniature while her hand looks so... huge and... model-ish. Can imagine a can of drink on top. Advertisement. Thanks, RF!

VCH


Carol & I after concert


Rose from Alvin, our beloved senior

So sweet of him to order roses (and 1 daisy) for us even though he's overseas. Something regarding this pissed me off. Will blog more about it at a later time.

Sitting on my table quite happily...

A lot of things to blog about, but no time to (esp. Kaleidoscope - is it really that? See YZ's blog for an idea of what happened yesterday), so I'll do this first one.


Doesn't look like there's anything wrong with it, does it?



The thing that is truly wrong is THIS:


It is NOT supposed to be happily resting on my Shiro camera box, which in turn is resting happily on a pile of horoscope and storybooks, which in turn is resting on the NUS matriculation package I received last year (yes, it's still on my table), not to mention a few other odd things like the packet of keys for the cupboards of the booth while I was working at the Mint (no, I didn't steal those keys, I just forgot to return them, that's all), and a packet of yet-t0-be-opened-and-yet-to-pay-pearlin-back-the-money-for-them Sakura wet tissues. In short, it is supposed to be IN my school bag, AGAINST my books and my waterbottle and my umbrella.

MY PENCIL BOX!

I remembered packing in the stationary and thinking that I must put this in my bag and at the back of my mind lurked the thought I must not forget to bring my pencil box.

Try playing for a concert the night before, sleeping at 1am and then having to get up at 6.30am for a project meeting at 9am (for which I was late *grins sheepishly* but then everybody else was too) in school which to get there I had to travel across the whole (almost) of Singapore.
Actually it isn't very tiring. Quite exciting, actually. =D

Ok, homework. At 11.30pm. 8am lecture tomorrow too. Smart me.

7.45pm and still in school

Goodness, it's 7.45pm and I'm still in school.

I'm exhausted, but I like this kind of life. The only thing I don't like is the gastric pains that comes on whenever I do a lot of work, despite the fact that I ate barely 4 hours ago.

Ah well, look forward to my psychology stats homework, CNM stats homework and whatever homework I can find when I reach home.
The only thing I don't look forward to is the SS essay my group has to do. A complete headache, just thinking that I have to work with her.

Such is life. You can't have everything.

Engrish; Crazy Dog

From Engrish:

Ferrets and badgers - stay the hell out...
Restroom sign from China

Link

Please help us build more rubbish shelters...
Sign found near Great Wall of China
Link

Then there's this dog whose paw has a life of its own:

Crazy Dog

If you ask me, it's kind of freaky. Don't know if it's the paw that has something wrong, or there is something wrong with the mind of the dog.

Hmph! Rabbits...

Whenever I'm being silly or ridiculous, I breathe, think and then talk to myself. It worked pretty well.

Until I turned in my chair one day and saw my rabbit looking at me weirdly, out of the corner of it's eye, the carrot still stuck in its mouth. I swear, it's a terribly slow eater. I grinned at it sheepishly, explained that I'm just uh, you know, uh talking to myself, nothing new. It went into a spasm and then went on chewing on its carrot, giving me that very odd look whenever I pass by it.

Rabbits.

Crap;rubbish;rubbish

It's good being a female.
It's not.
It sure is. Why is it not?
Restrictions, social laws to abide by.
Like what?
You have to shave your legs before you wear a skirt. If you have really hairy legs.
Oh yar.. Right. That's really troublesome.
That's right. Guys don't have to do that.
So...It's better being a guy?
Not exactly.
Why?! You said isn't good to be a female! Surely it's good to be a male!
Well, technically, yes, but in reality, males have a lot of pressure. Think about it: females now have such high education level, they don't want to marry down. Guys have to get high education level too. Tough right. What if the females just keep going higher?
Well, now that you put it this way...

(Goodness, I sound so biased. The above is just crap ok! I'm a female and I'm not implying that female's problems are lesser than males'! I'm supposedly a feminist.)

psych test back tomorrow

Getting back psychology stats test tomorrow.
Don't want.
Cham.

Health report

Went for this eye and and heart screening administered by Alexandra Hospital at NUS below CL on Thursday. My eyes are ok, based on the basic checks and my cholesterol level is ok. Aside from that, everything else got a bit of problem.

For the first time in my 19 years (yes, I'm still 19, my birthday didn't pass too long ago and there's still some time before it comes. DON'T TRY TO CONVINCE ME I'M 20.), I am underweight. Underweight, mind you! By 3.4kg. It says here on the paper in my hands (my lap, actually) that I weigh 41.8kg, but that's about 2 hours after lunch so the food is still in my stomach. Think I actually weigh lesser. I seriously need to eat. Like I said, don't know why my weight dropped so much in such a short period of time.

My blood pressure is low. Weird. I don't remember having low blood pressure. It fluctuates between normal and slightly low I think, but the person told me that it's really quite low. Yes I do get giddy spells etc sometimes, but seem quite normal to me.

Glucose level a bit high. Normal is lesser than 6.1 mmol/L, mine was 6.4 mmol/L. Could be due to the lunch I just had not too long ago (2 hours). My uncle has diabetes, although I don't know which Type, and I know I really am not interested in injecting myself with insulin before every meal.

The last time I had a thorough blood test at NUHWC, everything was quite fine and that was only in November last year. Hopefully everything's alright.

Ok, I'm searching for food everywhere now to feed myself. I'm underweight. Don't be envious of me please. Just as it's not nice to be overweight, it's not nice to be underweight as well.

Spinelli @ NUS

Finally had my cheesecake at Spinelli @ NUS today with SH.


Glorious cheesecake! The Classic Philly Cheesecake. Very dense/heavy though, and very unlike that bought at confectionaries. One slice is more than enough for 2 persons. There's this layer of crust at the bottom of the cake and that was nice! My first slice of cheesecake at Spinelli. Price: $3.40.

That's hot chocolate. Nice, but similar to the cheesecake, one gets sick of drinking it after a while. Interestingly, there is coffee art on top of this hot chocolate, which is really cool. Really didn't expect it. SH had a nagging feeling that if we had not ordered take-aways at Spinelli near Raffles Place the other time, it'd be like this too. What a waste! Never mind, saw this today! Luckily I brought my camera today. But then, I always bring it around. =) Price:???

Want to thank him for going to Spinelli with me today. Feel bad that he had to pay for the hot chocolate. I asked him out so by right I should pay for that drink. It never crossed my mind to offer to pay for it because usually for my friends we always pay separately for what we consume, regardless of who ask who out. Sorry about that. =(

It felt good talking normally (quite) to him again after I could hardly bear to look at him in the eye on Tuesday. I enjoyed the 1.5 hours today, hope he did too.

LT11

Yesterday at LT11:


Somehow I always get tables that have doodlings on them. Not that I'm complaining because it is a form of distraction from the boring lecture.

tstar

Only Hope - Mandy Moore

Very nice song. Found in movie "A Walk to Remember", made from the book written by Nicholas Spark. I tell you, I remember that book (meaning it must be quite good because there are some books that I've read and have not left an impression) and how I cried when I read it. Can't find a mp3 link to let you all listen to the song so until I do, the lyrics are below. Lyrics are courtesy of YZ.

Only Hope

by Mandy Moore

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write
over and over again
I'm awake and in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and
over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope

Sing to me of the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have
for me over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope

I give you my destiny
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope

Confession

SH, an advice not to read this. I know what's wrong and I will get past this.

I need to get this off my chest. Couldn't put it here previously because I didn't want him to be scared of reading my blog and because it simply didn't occur to me to do so. But since I've already told him how I feel, I think if he wants to read he should be able to get through this. Hopefully.

If I were to ask myself what I really feel, I would be very confused, so I won't ask that. I'll just state and write whatever comes to mind. This is what a blog should be about, shouldn't it? Well, most of it anyway. To the rest of my friends, you don't have to read this if you don't want to, it's really alright.

On that wednesday not too long ago when we officially donned that title of being "friends", I really thought that I could get through this. Forget it, let it go, live my life, treat him as a friend. Basically it started out really fine, then I realized I couldn't handle it. It didn't matter what my mind told me, my heart just refused to listen sometimes. I could get past it basically by telling myself not to expect. Never expect anything.

If I send a sms, don't expect a reply. Don't expect him to know what you're feeling now, even as a friend. Don't expect him to listen to your problems because it's not his job to do that. Don't expect him to ask you out for lunch. Don't expect him to answer your question. Don't expect him to be concerned.

I trained myself not to expect. It's good, when I don't expect because when it does happen, it's a nice surprise. When it doesn't, then I don't feel upset because I don't expect. Life's simpler to a certain extent that way.

Then I really started to miss him. I missed everything. I missed simply talking even because I can't even seem to establish a proper conversation with him anymore, whether through msn or sms. Now I realized I forgot to expect the most important thing - don't expect him to have any feelings for me. Maybe I expected that, but I don't know and I don't really care. I only know I miss him and it hurts me. It's been barely two weeks. I hated it when I send a sms telling him something about my trouble or what-not and conversation stops completely after I reply to his reply to my sms. I know I shouldn't expect, but it hurts me all the same. I tell myself that it's alright, he probably has his own stuff going on, shouldn't disturb him, and remember what you tell yourself - don't expect. It became such that I felt like I was an irritant, a disturbance. I was afraid of disturbing him. I was afraid of asking him out for lunch. I was afraid of initiating a conversation with him. I end up being very polite.

He says only now does he feel he's got a true friend in the form of me, but I don't feel the same way. The only thing I feel is increasing distance between us. I don't even feel like a friend to him anymore but more of an acquaintance. I think I might be too sensitive in this area but it's really difficult for me. It's probably because I still harbour feelings for him that I feel such contact, or lack of it, is significant.

He's surprised/shocked maybe to some extent even afraid, when he learnt I still can't treat him as a normal friend. Truthfully, I'm upset over that. I lied that I was fine with asking another friend to join us for lunch. It's logical to ask another friend to join us for lunch, but inside I'm terribly upset. For the first time in my life, I felt truly lost. Like something in me just packed up and left. Like I don't fit in into the world. When I walk, I don't walk. When I see, I don't see. When I smile, I don't smile. When I laugh, I don't laugh.

I did the most shameful thing which I committed years ago, just recently. I didn't think I'd ever do it again, not after my grandmother's death. For very brief periods, I'd cry, then I'd feel better, then life would go on. Twice it happened, the third time I suppressed it. The third time was today. That was when I realized I am truly purely just a friend to him. There was this weird feeling in me. I couldn't get it out, I couldn't push it back so I just let it stay there. Then I got on the bus, stared out the window. Staring but not seeing. I pushed that urge down, I let the wind dry my eyes. I hated it. Hated crying over something like that. I once told myself a long time ago I'd never let it happen again. I'd never cry over something like this again. To me it is so demeaning. There is just no point. Yes, I might cry when I watch movies or shows or tragedies, that much I allow. But to cry over somebody, no. Never. I don't permit myself to do that and I'll never do that again.

I'm sorry I had to destroy a nice image of him having a true friend by saying that I feel like an acquaintance. I'm sorry for a lot of things. Hold on while I copy and paste an excerpt of what I typed previously but never posted...

i don't know you well enough yet. i truly regret what i did online in the first month i got to know you. that i expressed interest in you. i truly regret it. if i could turn back time, i'd never tell you that i like you that fast. i want to know you as a person, like you as a friend, and then if possible like you romantically. i screwed it up big time. it's always me, but i guess if i screw it up, then i'll learn as well.

Yes, the one thing I regret the most is doing that.

I don't know how to face him tomorrow, now that things are like that. I don't know how to look at him in the eye while knowing that I am but only a friend to him. I might screw things up again, but I know that if I don't meet him this time round, then things will just... cool off. I need to know how we can be friends. Even if I don't treat him as only a friend, it doesn't matter. Like I told him and LY, what I feel towards him doesn't matter in the larger context because it doesn't improve the situation and it doesn't matter to him (from my point of view). My feelings only I can handle. Fortunately, I know all I need is time. This isn't as bad as what I experienced before. I should be able to handle it. I knew I should have typed this out. Writing/typing always sorts out my thoughts and feelings.

This is barely part of what I want to say, but I won't put it down here because it will be too loaded.

--Not edited--

upset, happy, thank you

So yes, it is the little things that make me happy when I am down.

When I don't think I can handle the truth/fact/life, when I get disappointed/upset or when I just want to cry.

It's the little things that can get me to forget for a little while, bring my spirits up, make me laugh wholeheartedly, make me smile from my heart.

You, reader of my blog, could have been the one who have done those little things unknowingly. For that, I sincerely thank you.

Allowance for conducting surveys

My projects includes conducting of surveys so printing of questionnaires into the hundreds are inevitable. Survey for my CNM project cost $25+ to conduct, so each of us have to pay about $5. Then my SS project cost $6 to print, so each of us have to pay about $2.

We pay hundreds each semester to get an education and projects are part of the modules. I don't see why we have to fork out the extra money to do all these. You can say that we can always choose simpler methods of distributing questionnaires, like sending them to friends through MSN where we don't have to print out the questionnaires. However, distributing questionnaires online simply aren't the same as doing them hardcopy-wise. In some cases, as for my CNM project, it is relatively easier for respondents to face a hardcopy rather than a softcopy one. Furthermore, there are modules that simply require getting respondents from the streets and getting a sample of a couple of hundreds is not uncommon. In my opinion, all modules which require students to do projects that involve surveys should give these students an allowance to cover the amount spent during the project. I don't believe that each faculty, department or NUS, for that matter, is so poor that they cannot help students cover the cost. C'mon, we're students. I get a majority of my allowance from my mom, for goodness sake! (FYI, I suck at giving tuition and the allowance I get from the shows I play in barely covers what I spend.)

It can be a fixed amount, like perhaps $10 for each group, or it can vary according to the needs of each group. It doesn't have to be fixed across all departments in a faculty, but should be flexible to suit the budget of both the various departments and faculties. I heard that one of the departments in FASS (is it Geography?) allows students in a particular module the right to claim up to $10 for miscellaneous stuff in their project or something like that.

So what if the amount received is not enough to cover the cost fully?
Firstly, the cost of conducting a survey should not be too high, I suppose, so the amount should cover the cost either fully or up to 90%. I'll use my CNM group's project as a guage. We printed 300 copies of questionnaires, double page, 3 sets of 7 to 8 pages of standard readings for the respondents multiply by 5 sets of that because there are 5 members in the group and each of us need the 3 sets, and 60 pieces of a set of general questions for 60 respondents. That's an equivalent of 862 pages. Using NUS's printing and photocopying services, which is cheaper than outside, we have a total cost of $26.40. I think the number of pages is quite a bit, and if such a number accumulated the above amount, then I think the standard cost of printing surveys in a majority of projects should be either around $25 or lesser. The latter seems more probable. Like I said, I'm just using my CNM project as a guage and subsequent statements are my interpretation. I don't know if usual cost goes higher than this or not, but I suspect it does not for a majority of cases, unless we're talking about experiments in Psychology or the such where they print tons of questionnaires. But then I suppose they'd have an allowance for that. I suppose. We were lucky to have 5 people in the group, what if there are lesser people? The cost would be higher for each person.

Secondly, if the amount goes really high and the faculty is unable to fork out the extra money (which is bullshit, in my opinion) on top of the basic to help cover costs, then at least part of the cost can be covered by that allowance while the remaining would have to be split evenly among the project-mates. It's still better than if there is no allowance.

Then there is the problem of what if these students want the money and fake the results of their surveys instead? Well, I don't suppose one can actually control what students want to do with the money, but in a way resorting to faking results in order to get that few dollars will surely compromise the experience they'd get if they actually go through the process of conducting the surveys. *shrugs* That's their choice.

Rabbit(s) sequel

Hmph! Say I'm not cute! Don't let you see my carrot!

To those who say I'm cute:

Nah! Give you my beloved carrot!

Rabbit(s)

Chu Wen has a cute rabbit here and here.

I feel inclined to post this:


I have cute rabbit too! Nibbling on a carrot somemore! =D

Pain again; weird dream

I close my eyes and somehow I'm back to the past. Wish I could fast-forward life sometimes, make the harder to endure parts go faster a bit then linger on the good parts. Unfortunately, the bad parts always seem to last longer than the good parts.

Pain 1
If I could take a pill to take away the pain, I would. Unfortuately I hate medicine. I'm too sensitive and I've over-estimated myself.

Pain 2
I'm so used to the pain it doesn't seem like much somtimes anymore. In fact, I don't even tell anybody about it anymore. My mum thinks I'm perfectly fine. It's my one and sole secret and now I've let it out here. *slaps forehead* What am I doing?! So now I have pain in 2 places. One treatable, the other not treatable. Don't worry, I'll be fine. Things will turn out fine.

Weird dream again.

Somehow viewing this place through my camera. Mixture of chinatown and orchard. YY was getting married in my dream. In my dream she's 19 and she's getting married. Must be the conversation we had with Daniel and Alvin yesterday before band. I went through the camera somehow to the place of the wedding and I couldn't get back. Needed to change out of my black shirt for the wedding, needed to bathe. Couldn't get back, had to get back. Couldn't find the option on my camera to bring me back, panic. Parents, especially my father, refused to help me. Left me on my own at some gaming shop with Internet access for kids....

Tagged - my 8 points of a perfect lover

YZ took my first time...

By tagging me. So here goes:

My 8 points of a perfect lover
Gender: Male

*jabs violently at the word "perfect"*

1) Smart
2) Loyal
3) Responsible
4) Feel comfortable with
5) Mature (because I'm childish)
6) Understand me, accept me, love me for who I am
7) Patient (because I'm hot-tempered.)
8)Can and will do housework and cook that type (=D machiam like maid. "Mariam!") Meaning not a male chauvinistic pig.

Got a lot of points leh, 8 where got enough!

The following people tagged has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover. Specify the gender of the target. Tag 8 victims to join this 'game' and leave a comment on....

(I just pick whoever is on my blog link. =p)
1) Jenny
2) Jia Ying
3) Ming Zhu
4) Siu Hang
5) Yao Ming
6) Huimin

Can't think of anymore people.

*jabs violently at the word "perfect" again*

So anyway, since I'm on the roll for stating the points of my perfect lover, of which I don't believe there is but it's still fun to dream a bit, I might as well just put everything else down:

- sense of humour
- If musician, it'd be good. If percussionist, even better!
- Pleasant looking
- Doesn't smoke. Drink yes, but not excessive please. Don't gamble
- Be there for me. *thinks a bit* I'm childish, so if can 24/7... haha, asking too much. Ironically, I don't want him to pester me 24/7. I'm childish, remember.
- Listen to me without passing judgements. Suggest ideas, not impose them on me. Offer a objective point of view. Correct me without making me feel stupid.
- Can tell my mood without excessive talking, explaining.

.
.
.
.
.

Very tired, bed is calling out to me.

*jabs violently at the word "perfect"*
Oops, are there 3 dents in my computer screen?!

Bald trees

When trees have find the weather too warm...

"When I look out the bus..." sequel

Quoted from Siu Hang in the comments link for this post:

When I look out the bus, I see everything whizzing past. The trees, the lamp post, the buildings. Is it the bus stationary while everything moves backward, or the bus is moving forward while everything stands still?

Quite interesting. (And when I say I'll give you credit for quoting you, I don't mean modular credits! And no, no S/U option either. This is my faculty and I say no. =p)

Let's see, if everybody else can write about experiences in buses in this manner, then maybe I can collate it or something and post here! That'd be interesting! =D
Based on experience, this won't happen. =(
Let me immerse in the possibility for a while.

Ok, done.

When the phone vibrates in class...

Phone vibrated during SS tutorial today. Grandmother's house number, Olivia, time, school, the maid, diabetic uncle... pause... reject. Vibrated again. Grandmother's house number, the maid, diabetic uncle... pause... If it's important, is it that bad till I'm the last possible option on their list? Got out of tutorial class, pressed accept, pressed phone to ear...

"Hello, jie jie ah, ask you how to spell 'alien' ah?"
"Huh? Olivia, you call me just to ask me how to spell alien ah? I'm in school now leh! Ok ok, A-L-I-E-N."
"A-L-I.."
"A-L-I-E-N."
"A-L-I... not 'a' ah?"
"No."
"Ok."
"A-L-I-E-N ah. Ok, don't call already, I'm in school, got class."
"ok, bye bye."
"bye bye."

When I look out the bus

I see cars whizzing by. Why are they hurrying? I see trees standing still. Don't they get tired from standing since young? Sometimes I see their leaves move. There is wind, there is breeze, whether or not caused naturally or by the whizzing-by cars I don't know. I sit in the bus. I don't feel the wind from outside but there is a wind inside the bus. I reach up and I can control the wind.

Fear of change

Babe, I know I really shouldn't say this, but change is constant and I'm really afraid.
There are some things that I really don't want to change.

I AM SUPER PISSED NOW!!! LY and I just spent close to 3 hours working on our SS project and now we have to edit it! Friday's the deadline somemore... I'm tired, but I like this life.

I like my life packed to the brim,
I don't wish to think unnecessarily.
English, Geography, Sociology,
Communication and New Media Studies.

4 hours, 5 hours, 6 hours sleep,
A nap in the bus is not enough.
I've got no entertainment
Except on friday nights...
Say, that's quite enough!

I hate to say this (cause it's a sign of loss of independence) but sigh, I need somebody to lean on right now!

"The only constant is Change"

One who doesn't accept change is one who will lag behind, get lost and in the process be extremely confused and/or hurt.

Sometimes accepting one thing means giving up something else. Sometimes only by giving up something can one move on in life. Would you do that? Would you give up something you have/had in order to move on? Or would you rather be confused and hurt?

One who doesn't accept that there are different methods of doing things out there will only be outcasted and not improve but only remain stagnant or do worse when compared to others.

Sometimes I refuse to face facts, refuse to look at things in the eye and say "ok, I accept it." Why cultivate familarity when things are going to change in the end? I didn't get what I want/have because I want it to change. Sometimes I don't want things to change. Isn't it nice to have something which is ever-constant, never-changing? Something I can rely on even when things change at rapid (yes, everything changes rapidly nowadays) speeds?

Yes, that would be very nice indeed.

Spotted on Digital Life

Seen on The Straits Times' Digital Life. Does the blog address look familiar?

By the way if you have voted for him, thanks. Unfortunately, the votes have been cleared out completely. If you don't mind the trouble again, would appreciate if you all cast your vote again. =) Thanks!

As a reminder, this is the Blogfest held by NUS arts club. It doesn't matter where you are from, you don't have to be from NUS to cast your vote! And Siu Hang's blog is under the list of finalists for "Most Creative Blog",
Department of Crappy Engineering http://chillycraps.blogspot.com

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Pony

Seen on friend's lap on bus today: A pony.

Found in LT11

Many, many weeks before today in semester 2, found written on foldable table in left section of LT11, FASS.

Found today on foldable table in right section of LT11, FASS.

What do students do in LT11?

Translation for 2nd picture:
"You have not eaten?"
"I have!"
"I haven't! I'm very hungry!"

Psychology statistics - headache

This book is giving me a headache. No, I don't use it to hit myself on the head and it's not alive either.

door - $28

No, it's not the price of the door.

Just letting off steam

I'm getting increasingly afraid of tests and exams. Get horrible panic attacks the night before (exaggerated) and I frown so much I think my pimples grow along the ridges of my frown. Don't really see the point of preparing for it because somehow my grades are independent of the amount of studying I do for that subject.

Stupid EL test. Stupid tests in general.

Funny dream

Funny dream.

I waited. Nothing. So I walked to the bus terminal. Huge place, vastly different. Interchange, not a terminal. Searched for my bus number. Weird, concrete steps for seating. I followed a person in front up the steps and sat down, waiting for the bus. People slowly filled in. They sat around me, beside me, everywhere. Wondered when the bus is coming so we'd have to move off the steps and onto the bus. Suddenly the whole block of concrete steps/seats moved. This is the bus, I realized. Suddenly the previously seemingly uncovered seats/steps seemed covered, like in a normal bus. A seemingly illusion of top and windows. Somewhere in my mind the word "ridiculous" sounded, yet it all seemed logical to me. Of course, this is the bus! I thought. How could I have forgotten? Forgotten? How can I forget when I have never seen anything like this before? I look around but I can't find what I'm looking for. The bus leaves.

Setting: NUS

Another one; photo

If I am a horrible person, I'd tell her, "Fuck off, girl. Quit trying to impose your leadership qualities onto others. You want others to listen to you, then talk properly lah! Tone sounds so fed-up, I can't even be bothered to answer you lor."
I forsee another one of those persons like that guy in my JS project the last semester. Only this time round, this girl is hardworking.

However, I'm a nice person so I shut up and just talk to myself in my head. I just can't get myself to respect/like her at all.

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Taken after SPU practice at bus-stop:

Cannot stand my face in photos now, too many pimples, too ugly. Heading down to National Skin Centre soon.

Why am I here anyway? Just finished reading everyone of the blogs in NUS blogfest. Yes, everyone of all 3 categories. Very interesting blogs indeed.

Now, I should get on with the mundane task of my schoolwork.

Hooped earrings; surprised & shocked

Wore hooped earrings today.

YS (at XMS's gates) *points at my head with a surprised/shocked look on her face* : What happened to your earrings?!

Pearlin (in XMS's bandroom) *points at my earrings with a surprised/shocked look on her face*: How come you own/wear this kind of earrings one?!

Me (in my head) : Oi, I'm not that old ok! Cannot wear hooped earrings meh? I'm practically the youngest one in our batch! *grumble*

=P Fine, I'm conservative.

I think I should wear hooped earrings more often.

Plagarism; new beginning; Little India

I like SH's entry too much to not not blog about it. Bleh, first it's YZ, now it's SH. Plagarism.

It wasn't written with abstract in mind but it still turned out abstract, very the kind of thing I like to read. Like saying that sometimes we do things that are redundant but we just do it because we want to do it or just to fill up space and/or waste time. When I first read it, the word "stupidity" jumped out at me. No no, not saying that the entry is stupid. How can it be when it's quite brilliant? I meant that the person doing the signing was stupid, and no I don't mean SH. If you view it as that he wrote the bolded part as another person, then that person is quite silly, to sign his name when it is not required but to do it just for the sake of doing it. Actually it's quite applicable to our daily life. Sometimes we just do things for the sake of doing it. If you don't talk, people won't say that you are dumb, but you just speak to make your presence felt... or you are just besotted with your own voice. So the entry, to me anyway, presents 2 perspectives, the bolded one from the perspective of the first person and the unbolded part from a third person perspective.

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Yesterday marks the end of something in my life and the beginning of another. Somehow I feel relieved, free, unburdened, which is weird because I'm not the one who's supposed to be feeling burdened. In any case this turned out better than what happened when I said it on the night of v-day and I'm happy about that. I hope there is no more of that burden I heaped on him. I think I'm really very silly to have allowed yesterday's afternoon (I mean another thing) to happen at all, but if it didn't happen then I'd never know this is not what I want.
Yup, THE paper cup is no longer in our hands, but the memories are there and I'll treasure them. Anyway who says it can't be a different kind of cup? Plastic cup, ceramic cup, styrofoam cup... *grin*
Hopefully, I have gained a friend and wouldn't lose this friendship to time.

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I don't like Little India. Both times I went there, first with LY and then subsequently with LY & Valerie, we got harrassed by a Chinese and Indian man respectively.
Chinese man was eyeing LY on our 1st trip there and really freaked her out. Indian man today harrassed us three. Damn, he said I am a "cute little girl" can! @$%#$^ Even stranger tell me that! A bit pissed, yet I know this cute girl image is my advantage as well. He kept on wiping his perspiration and then shook our hands 3 times in total. Rushed off to Tekka Mall to wash our hands immediately after we managed to shake him off. He kept talking crap, about "beautiful", how the wording of our survey is completely wrong and we need to change it, and keep saying that LY is beautiful, plus keep talking about Allah, how we are all from the same religion, about what Malays are doing and other crap. Oh, no other crap, it's basically 15 - 20 minutes talking about this crap. I was so pissed I stopped looking at him although I still had a faint smile on my lips. At one point I just withdrew the survey he was looking at on the table and told him that we really are rushing for time. Val kept insisting after that that we had to go and I had already turned to walk away, couldn't quite be bothered anymore. Luckily there were 3 of us girls and there was another group of ladies sitting at the ulu coffeeshop.
Thinking that we had already shaken him off, we went about quite happily (an exaggeration) getting surveys done when out he popped from the pavement. Ok, he didn't literally materialize out of the pavement although it really seemed so for me. We actually bumped into him again along Serangoon Road, which wasn't very far away from where we saw him in the first place. What could we do? Our project was on that area. That pervert stuck to LY again. This time I couldn't even be bothered to look at him, just turned and looked for potential surveyees. He was talking to LY when Valerie pointed to something/one in the distance and called out to LY that we have to go over to that side. Then we just walked straight, probably 8 metres away... towards another empty space. Luckily he left and we never saw him for the rest of the time we were there.

I'm proud of myself because I initiated the interviews! =D Mustered the courage to go up to almost every other beauty shop to ask for an interview. We were lucky to have 3 interviews with 2 very nice ladies and 1 at-first-not-very-willing-and-then-started-to-enjoy-talking uncle. The rest of them refused to grant us interviews. Not that I blame them, but next time if I ever go back there, I'd recommend those shops whose owners I interviewed.

The uncles from the auto shop have been located in Little India for a very long time and the shop is very original, very old and very dark. They let us see these old signboards that are supposedly not frequently seen in Singapore anymore. Actually I'm not sure if they are really not that frequently seen anymore because I seem to remember seeing them at some places. Anybody know can tell me if it's true?

Part of a signboard that is usually given to businesses when they just open. Part of it only because... oi not because my camera no good ok! Although it really is not so good but because it's my camera, cannot insult it! The rest of the signboard is blocked by the many many shelves against the walls. Oh there are 2 small lionheads (I think) which are part of the signboard, one of which can be seen at the bottom, the other blocked. It's very expensive, one is about $500 because it's a carving, not done in Singapore anymore. They had 2 stolen before when it was placed outside so I guess that's why it's inside now the shop now?

This is the wooden signboard of the company. Apparently this is also not commonly seen anymore.

Not my camera spoilt ah! It's that this signboard is in the shophouse instead of outside the shophouse, so one part of it is blocked by the shelves and door. True though, it's very wooden.. I mean, it's really quite rarely seen. Please comment on if the signboards are really that rare if you know. Comment link please. Thanks.

The 2 uncles didn't want to talk at first, but then we just kind of slipped into an interview without actually confirming with them officially that we're doing an interview. Val and I talked and talked, assured, asked questions... We ended up doing our interview standing up. They don't usually let people look at these 2 signboards, but they actually let us see it. Kind of touched. I guess they are also lonely, so as soon as people start showing interest in their shop, they would be quite willing to talk. If it's me, I'd babble about everything. The shop looks quite antique, messy and dark. Full of shelves and car parts.

A bit irritated with ourselves because we took so long to do our surveys and they're still not done! Looking for friends to do them soon. Even when I had to find 20 persons to do 20 surveys last time also did not take as long as the time spent this time on what, 12 surveys?! We spent 5 hours there for the surveys and interviews. Amazing. Lousy time spent, if you ask me. Anyway it's done (partly anyway) and I'm glad about that. Ended the day eating Ice Kacang.

I blogged for an hour.

Terrible

I left the clothes soaking overnight and forgot to turn on the machine to wash until this morning.

Terrible.

=(

If I kissed you

Corrinne May's If I Kissed You. Click on the play button at the side of this song.

IF I KISSED YOU

If I kissed you

Would fireworks fly

Would angels sing with lollipops

Would dinosaurs cry

Would babies all gurgle in laughter and surprise

If I kissed you.

If I kissed you

What would Michaelangelo say

Would he still have sculpted David

Would we be immortalized in clay

Would the poets write of love like ours

Would John Donne have his say

If I kissed you

You could be one in a million

You could be the one for me

But l guess I'll never know if I never try

I guess I'll just have to grab you in my arms and kiss you.

If I kissed you

Would you lose track of time

Would you feel a surge of happiness

Running up your spine

Would you run naked in the street

with a tattoo of my name on your behind

If I kissed you.

Oh, if I kissed you

Yeah, if I kissed you.

Picture