D****; E*******; Stranger

When I read about things like this, I get very scared and very upset. I don't want those I care about to go away like that. Who does? We never know what happens tomorrow, the next hour, the next minute, the next day. What will be the content of the next phone call you receive? So to all my friends who are reading this, give you all one big hug ok? *HUG*

---------------------------

Like what Mr Brown says, let's blog about the days leading up to polling day (6th may) and not about the elections itself since "Podcasting will not be allowed during elections as it does not fall under the "positive list" which states what is allowed under election advertising." Quoted from this particular CNA website. Yes, it states podcasting, but I don't suppose it excludes blogging as well, seen from this sentence at the bottom: "The government's view is that people can have diverse views, but should not hide behind the anonymity of the internet, to manipulate public opinion," and from SH's entry that somebody from iDA was watching his blog. Hmm, we can never be too careful.

I have friends who can vote and it feels very weird knowing that my friends can vote while I can't because I have mostly/usually friends who are my age. Then you go to university and you see a whole lot of people of other ages... And they can vote! The wonders of it all.

---------------------------

Just now that guy who's supposed to be my friend and my study partner for psychology but never quite turned out to be so, let's call him KQ, his initials for simplicity sake, say that he thinks he knows who I am. Apparently (I think) he looked for my name from the list outside the exam hall then looked for my seat number and checked it against the seating plan. So now he knows my backview but not for sure about my front view because I never turned back. Actually I did turn back to look around and spotted him but don't think he noticed. He says he thinks he has seen me around in school before (Well, yes, of course. I study there, remember? =P Just kidding) but because I never turn back, he can't match the image in his mind with what he sees.
You know what this situation reminds me of? It reminds me of last semester during exam period when I have never seen SH before but we were in the same examination hall for one of the papers. I remember it was my JS paper and I was kind of freaking out. I knew where he was sitting but I never turned to look. Yeah, it reminds me of that. Not a bad memory, just something to think back on when I grow old. It's like knowing a person, conversed with him before but have never seen him or talked to him face-to-face yet he is just in the proximity. He could be the person standing next to me, or that guy at the other end, or that one there. Very mysterious. Very sweet memory. Don't think I've done much harm in blogging about this memory right? I'm not sure what I should and shouldn't blog.

It's over!

Exams are over! Freedom! Man, it really feels like an A-level. How was Psych? No time to finish, made tons of careless mistakes that I wasted time trying to correct. Lost 20 marks already before anything else because I had answers left blank. *shrug* My guess is a B for this module.
Anyway it's over! I'm happy! =)

My last paper tomorrow

Tomorrow's my last paper, PL2131 statistics, my most feared and weakest paper. Oh how I wish I could get an A for this. I'm really interested in this module but I'm just so weak in this. The forum helps to an extent, but I kind of wish it was more active during the term itself, not when it is nearing the exams. A few other people and me seem to be the only few posting in there. Seriously, I can't really afford even a B- in this when my other modules might be scoring that. Anyway I can't do much at this point. Left only to look through the my tutorials again for the upteenth time, my notes again and to mark my textbook. I'm banking on the tutor remembering my name - my 10% class participation. Gosh, does he ever looks in the forum? We are discussing so much but there is nothing from him, except when I emailed him and he gave this really vague answer, as usual. To get a more detailed answer from him there would probably be a few more email exchanges but not enough time now.
Pray for me please. Thank you.

Oh I'm swearing off sweet stuff from now on.
For a while anyway.

Hallucinations

Hallucinations.

Or is it not?

I keep having weird sensations in my mouth that I can't seem to get rid off. Like my teeth going to drop out like that. Weird. Don't know if it's because of stress or if it's real. There's this one particular tooth at the back...

Damn, it's kind of irritating me and I can't really concentrate. 1 whole module in 1 day. This is the first time I'm so unprepared for my exams, and I'm still here, blogging!

Cheers!

lalalaconditionedmedicatedtolookawayforgetlalalawhatidontrememberwhyareyouaskingme

I should. But I didn't.

My relatives told me she would come into my dream.

It's been so long. How come the only dream I had of her was filled with fear?

While surfing porn

I'm not an avid porn addict nor a computer expert, but some advice to whoever is new to watching porn.

If you download and watch porn on your own computer, which nobody else uses, watch all you want.

If you are watching porn on a shared computer, please please please take note:
1) Make sure nobody's at home or is standing behind you. Or if your family's home, invite them to watch as well. At least they can't accuse you of being immoral. =p
2) Erase all evidence after you're done. I mean ALL evidence. Including the websites visited in the history folder, that in your media player (whichever you use) etc. You know your media player after the last video/song played for some it will just stay there until you open a new video to watch? Open an innocent new video after you are done. If it records all past played videos with the titles, delete those as well.
3) Make sure all underage kids can't possibly access the videos. If an underage kid uses the same computer as you, make sure no.2 is really seriously done.
4) If you are going to masturbate, please draw the blinds and close the door. The neighbours don't have to see that you are enjoying yourself.
5) Please clean up the place.

Ok, actually it's pretty crap. I just wanted to emphase point 2 and 3, that's all. *grin* Please remove ALL EVIDENCE.

Oh if you all watch porn and want to advice others on what to do and not to do, do do comment.

Oh goodness...

Great now I really feel like crying.

How do you...

How...
How do you..
How do you tell some..
How do you tell somebody...
How do you tell somebody that...
How do you tell somebody that you...

erm...
nvm.
erm...
I mean..
yar..
erm..

Oh nevermind.

Still can't seem to concentrate on studying though.

Blogger is so screwed. Don't screw up on me. I have ages worth of writing in here.

can't concentrate

I CAN'T FUCKING HELL GOD-DAMN CONCENTRATE ON STUDYING.

I WANT TO GO OUT.

AND I FEEL GUILTY HAVING EATEN CHOCOLATE AGAIN.

Ah bear blows balloon

Ah Bear blows balloon

If it doesn't load, click here to watch.
Oh the voice's mine and the laughing's Olivia's.

Kittens (and duckling)

Benison sent me these pictures. Very cute. Don't know where he gets them from though. But it's good because firstly I don't know where to find them, secondly I don't have the patience or interest to go find pictures and thirdly it's something for me to blog about. So thanks for these pictures and do keep them coming, Benison!

Btw, I prefer dogs. =p




A note on the contributor of photos:

Benison's my JC classmate, is in army now, just hurt his knee, is on crutches and should recover in about erm, 3 months? Oh, he is also a prospective Psychology major. No, he's not one of the 2 guys who I used to stick around with because we are the only 3 in class who have the same subject combination.

Geniuses

I've been taking breaks all over the place. I never learn, do I?

Anyway been talking to this person on MSN. It's that guy who's supposed to become our study partner but never quite ended up as. So we were talking about how so many people around us are in USP. I mentioned that USP corresponds to Ultra Smart People. Then we started coming up with names and what we should join and/or call ourselves...

He says he'll join UPS: United Parcel Service

I say we should join VSP. What's that? Very smart? No, Very Stupid People.

But no, we really shouldn't demoralize ourselves, should try (his nick says) Self-fulfilling Prophecy. Think WE ARE GENIUSES!

We're smart, just not as smart.
We're SSP, Super Smart People.
ESP, Extraordinary Smart People.
SEP, Smart Enough People.
Remember self-fulfilling prophecy!
YES! WE ARE GENIUSES!
GIP, Geniuses in progress.

Conversation ends.

As an afterthought, GIM would be nice. Geniuses In Making.

1down

=(


4 to go.

To fly

Wonder how it feels to fly in the sky.

To soar up above the ground we tread daily, feel the wind against your face and your eyes won't hurt against the strong wind. Birds fly past you. Weaving in out between buildings, cover the same amount of distance in half the time or lesser. No traffic jams, only the occasional building in your way. Even then you could soar higher than the building and the majority of them. Then you allow yourself to plummet down towards the ground, feel your heart leap, hear the rush of the wind past your ears. At the last moment you soar out of the dive, first level and close to ground and then to soar up again straight into the sky.

Sounds good. =)

Then you hear...


"It's a bird!"
"It's a plane!"
"No lah! It's superman/woman! I want a photo! Quick! OI! Excuse ME!! I SAW HIM FIRST!..."

*raise eyebrow*
Eyebrow spasm.

note: I don't know if it is correct to say "soar out of the dive". Could anybody who know tell me? Thanks!

Post

Been too long since the last post.

Post.

This is my post, don't complain that I didn't post. =p

Raisins; face; bear

I've gotten myself a huge box of raisins. Take a look:

The glass is there to give an idea of how large it is. It's very heavy, but don't know what's the weight. Trust me, there are a lot of raisins inside. It's to accompany me through the reading week because I tend to eat a lot when I study or am under stress. In this case, it's both.

Oh I'm now 42kg! Calls for celebration! *munch on raisins*
Raisins also because it's healthier than other tidbits, although it IS very sweet. However, I've learnt how to eat a raisin without feeling that I've just drunk an entire cup of syrup. Hey, I've got an entire container of it to get through!

I've got nice plans after exams =) Which includes maybe going to zouk. Obviously this naive girl has never stepped into a club/pub/zouk. Damn, I don't even know what's the difference. I can predict that I won't like the place already. When, and if, I go, I'll see if I like it or not.

Really, a paper bag would be nice to cover my pimply face with. I like my face fine, I just don't like my pimples. 2 aunts already told me today to eat more fruits, drink more water, which are true, but... Well, let's just say I like it when people don't pay attention to my face, which is kind of difficult because all of the features which are supposed to be on the face are on my face. I mean, people can't look at my arm while they talk right? Or my chest? Or my stomach? Or they'd have to pretend that maybe that bougainvillea behind me has suddenly grown eyes and sprouted arms. So yes, while the pimples are there, I'm going to have really low self-confidence once in a while, something I've never experienced much before. Blame it on when I saw the doctor and realized it's nice to have a clear face for once and that you actually look good, after about 4 years of having a pimply face, then have your pimply face back again. However that 4 years of training didn't get wasted. Most of the times I can still ignore it and look at people straight in the face. A person's got to believe in him/herself.

Well, if I could actually do that in exams. Believe in myself. Which reminds me, currytan's got a nice entry on donkey and dirt.

---------------------------------
Bear Bear posing:

"I've got chocolate on my snout!"

The greedy bear!
Don't ask who fed him chocolate. *looks innocently around* I don't know!

B- or lower

I'm so afraid for my psych stats exam. 40% for the in-class test and I already failed it, I think. Scored below the average for both papers. I don't think I really can score full marks for my finals. I don't have enough practices and I just wasted today again. Completely wasted. I cannot afford to do badly for this module. My other modules are bad enough, don't need another one. Plus this is my major! I have to do this... But it's just so depressing and so not encouraging. The forum is finally moving a little, but it's not fast enough for me. So many questions but so little answers.

Why, of all things, do I have to suck at stats?

Imsostupid.

LY's entry; about blogging

You know sometimes when we read certain things we will feel sorry for the person or just feel sad in general? LY's latest entry is one such example.

"somtimes i wonder
why do i even bother
is he online
what is he doing
will he be in school today
out of nowhere,
after ive told myself that i wont see him
or he do not have any lessons
i will bump into him
like how coincidence all that can be
and then after that
i will be in a state of 'i-dont-know'
i dont know how to describe
excited?
happy?
confused?
after when ive decided that hes not worth it
after 2 people telling me to forget him
cos hes not going to do anything about us
he will appear all of a sudden
be it right in front of me
or appearing online

i guess
guys are all the same
they love ambiguity
and no committments
so when they have no one to find
they will approach you
sigh

alright
i think im talking nosense again
and now
i have a craving for meiji strawberry yoghurt!
groceries shopping after tuition later!"

Then a few hours later within the same day, she posted this:

""how much do you care about what others think of you?"
"quite abit"
"why do you care?"
"i dont know, just works this way i guess"
"why"
"just wondering
worried over shit
big time
it's quite dumb i think
but then again
i can't help it"
"worried over what?"
"people
that's why the nick"

tell me why
he talked to me again after so long
and came this weird question
hais
make me worry
what exactly's the thing bothering him
whats with me"

LY's worried and I can comprehend that. But the point is the question he asked and the way he asked it. I can only imagine how he asked it, but it sounded so troubled and so sad that I just felt sad. Probably also because of how and what she blogged, asking what's wrong, the "hais".

Somehow I can't put my finger on why I'm blogging about her latest entry. It just sounded so sad that I had to blog about it. I'm leaving out a lot of things on what I want to write because it's no longer just my friends and I reading. Audience makes a difference, people. It really does. I can write like this in my diary but here there are people reading it and whatever I write can affect others in many, many ways. I realize I can no longer bare my heart and soul in here to my closest friends, which was my original intent when I started blogging seriously. Maybe it's just something that every blogger comes to realize when they come to terms with the point that a blog is in a public sphere. We have to control what we are writing. So maybe what you see here is not me anymore. That as long as I keep myself to myself, my problems to my diary, my happiness to my blog, then this happiness is my mask and what you see and whom you think you know through this blog is not really me at all but really only a mask. So how much do I really know about others who blog? Are my friends really who they are on their blog? How much do they hide? How much do they reveal? Are they happy? Are they sad? I don't want my blog to be commercialized and I don't understand why others want their blog to be commercialized. I don't think I will tell others my blog address anymore even if they ask. If they find it, fine, I can't control it, but what I can do, I will do.

Somehow I feel like I've lost something and I'm back to square one.

My blog is no longer my blog.

My sister; dog & cats

My sister is 7+ years old.

She knows how to cut and FILE her own nails. I caught her doing so last night. Apparently she has been doing so for quite a while.

--------------------

View cute and sleepy kitten here.

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Something to cheer all of you up, utterly sweet:


*slurp*
*crunch*
*yum yum*
*burp*
Shucks, too much fur.

Don't be shocked, I didn't say what kind of sweetness. Gosh, there has been a lot of "sweetness" in recent entries, hasn't there?

I'm getting seriously bimbo-itic (if there's such a word). See, I don't even know how to spell that word.

It'ssuchaburdentoblog.Duringexamtimetoo.Damn.

Care = Worry = Frustration

*curses*

I really don't know why I care so much. Am really irritated with myself for doing so because when I care too much I get too worried, then I just get myself all worked up for probably nothing. Maybe all I need is sleep, then after that I'd stop caring or worrying.

Yar, like real I would.

*sigh*

Till then

Until I finish my exams or grow bored of studying (which could be very soon), expect no new entries.












Like real.

Sweetness

It's time for me to follow up on the previous entry although I feel extremely guilty, facing the computer when I should be facing my books.

Wednesday, I went to school for my CNM project discussion and meeting with the lecturer regarding the stats for our data. At approximately 11.40pm I reached school, headed for arts canteen to have lunch. Bought my noodles, sat down quite happily to eat. 2 mouthfuls of noodles later there was a crash behind me and it started to rain.

Rain soyabean milk with ice-cubes, that is.

On me.

Specifically on my back only.
Unfortunately I didn't open my umbrella and have a picnic under it. Should have checked the weather forecast.

Anyway, the girl had a cup of soyabean milk on a tray. Why in the world would she have ONE cup of drink of a tray? I'm seriously puzzled. So the whole cup of soyabean milk tilted and it fell onto my back. I went "ohhh...", eyes big, mouth big. Think the whole canteen went silent for a little while and all eyes were on us. She was so apologetic, using her tissue to wipe my chair after I stood up. My back was drenched, for goodness sake. She's supposed to be concerned about my back. Somehow the situation seemed quite funny to me at that time and I could still smile and tell her it's alright. I couldn't understand why she was wiping my chair with her tissues when it should be my back she should be wiping so I told her to not bother about the seat. She asked if I wanted a change of clothes and then proceeded to call her friends who were in hall while I proceeded to call my friends. This very nice girl came over with a packet of tissues and I took one piece because my mind was still not working. I think she left a couple of packets of tissues there because when my mind was finally working I registered about 5 packets of half-used tissue packets on the table.

Luckily my friend has a couple of shirts in her locker and I changed into that. Then I got another friend who borrowed a pair of shorts for me from her friend who stay in hall. In the meantime I stood in the toilet cubicle for about an hour waiting for the pair of shorts. Bleh. But I still got my change of clothes, so it's alright. Undergarments wet, but couldn't do much. Ended up looking quite sporty and as if I just came from hall. FYI, the shirt read "bikequest 2006" and I don't bike.

So the girl wasn't much help afterall. It's been 3 days since it happened so I'm not that pissed now but I was quite fed-up on that day. Yes I know it isn't much use being fed-up but I can't help it. Try getting an entire cup of soyabean milk spilt on you when you've just taken a shower in the morning and had just taken a one-hour bus ride to school not because of lesson but for project meeting. And to have your lunch turn cold. All because some girl put a cup of soyabean milk on a tray.

Did I mention ants were attracted to me in the toilet. Peeping tom-ants.

----------------------
Another type of sweetness:

Thursday, was at forum because LY asked me look for some safety pins. I was going to enter forum for the 2nd time and walked up to the door. Some others entered before me. This man was going to enter too, so he pulled open the door. To my surprise, he stood aside and said "After you," with his hand in that manner, as if inviting people in. Very surprised and very shocked because I've never heard a guy utter that in a long while. Think the last time I heard that was in secondary school from this male classmate of mine. He was smiling and it struck me as being very sincere. Very gentlemanly. =) Oh, is it only me, but it sure made me feel very good inside, to be really treated like a female. To my female friends, can comment and tell me if it is only me or do females in general feel that way?

In any case it made my day.
Thanks.

Sweetness, in 2 different ways

The beginning is always so sweet. =)

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Let's just say I got spilled on by soya-bean milk. If I can, I'll blog more about it later.

That New Zealand's Natural ice-cream

Finally had that ice-cream I long wanted. New Zealand's Natural ice-cream! Was on the verge of having it today with LY (i.e I eat, she watch me eat) but she changed her mind about her Strawberry and Soursop juice, after which we were planning to walk to YIH for that ice-cream. Then coincidentally SH called to ask if I wanted to go have the ice-cream. No no, correct that. He called to ask where am I. If I never squeeze the reason out of him, I'd have gone straight home and missed that ice-cream. Actually that ice-cream isn't that nice. =P Still, I want to thank him for having it with me. So yes, thanks! =)
I think if I never said I wanted to eat that ice-cream, you would probably either not try it at all or will not try it this quickly. Right, SH? So it's a bit of the opposite, I feel like I just forced him to spend money instead of the other way round. =P Hope he didn't mind.
Don't know why but it felt a bit weird spending time with him alone nowadays, no matter how short. *scratches head* Maybe I'm just not used to it anymore.

Stephanie I Love You very much!

"Jie Jie, don't come into the room first ah!"
"Ok!"





"Ok already or not?"
"Wait ah... Ok!"

I walked into my room and Olivia has her face covered with her hands.
"Wah! I love you very much also! Come, hug me!"
*Hug*

Missing them

I know it sounds weird, but suddenly I just miss hanging out with Joseph and Jeremy. More so Joseph because I haven't seen him in almost a year. At least for Jeremy I can see him when we have SPU practice.

Hmm, when can we meet up? If ever.

Suddenly there are a lot of missing going around.

blackout; cookie-nest

A few weeks ago at Great World City's Mcdonald's...

Don't know if it's obvious, but there was a blackout at The Coffee Bean that day for a short while. =D We were laughing evily at it while sitting in comfort at macs.

Found today on the back of the curtain in the master bedroom.

Gross. Looks like shit. So many holes somemore. Goosebumps. *shudder*

Bro said it's a wasp's nest. Father said it's some insect nest. Whichever it is, it is disgusting. About 9cm in length and stuck to the back of the curtain. Olivia walked into the kitchen this morning and went,
"Like got cookie on the curtain."
I went,
"Cookie? Huh? Cookie?"
"Looks like cookie."
"Is it insect or not?"
"No, like cookie leh."
Then she pulled me into the master bedroom and pointed to the shadow on the curtain, flipped the back of the curtain to face us and pointed at it. I freaked out.
"It's a nest lor!"
Not sure if it's an ant's nest or not, but I exclaimed that it was although it really didn't look like one.
Walked out of the room.
"Huh, I touched it leh." (Amazing what lack of fear can do. See, fear is taught by society and it's conventions.)
"Go and wash your hands."

Cookie, somemore!

Damn, and my mom closes the curtains every night without noticing that the nest was there. Father used a plastic cup to get rid of it so it's now in the kitchen's dustbin. Before he removed it I took the chance to take a picture of it. Don't know how I could have brought myself to go so close to it and to have taken a picture of it too. My poor camera.