CNY used to be... ; Plans for CNY 3rd day

My brother has to work today/tomorrow. Technically, it's today because it's the 31st already. Working on the 3rd day of CNY, not nice, not nice at all. He's grumbling about it and I don't know if he will really take MC tomorrow. Reminded me of when I had to work through New Year's eve and New Year Day itself. But then I don't celebrate New year so it doesn't really matter. Similarly, 3rd day of CNY this year should be quiet.

Do you know that nobody has been over to our place yet? Usually quite a number of families would pop by on the first and second day and I would usually still be sleeping, then when I awake I would be shocked to find the hall full of people. This year when I awoke, I peeked out of my room and saw only my mother seating on the sofa reading the papers. I don't quite understand why those who usually come don't this year. All family, same grandmother, why can't they visit us like usual? Never mind about the ang baos. I'm not that bothered about them, really. Is it because for them they think that celebrating is really out of the question, that is why they will not go anywhere? I don't even know if they went out or not anyway.

It's the same at my grandmother's place. Awfully quiet except for the first night when we all went over, YY's family, mine, and Huili's, for the usual steamboat dinner. Other than that, I don't think anybody has been there. It used to be so much more crowded and fun when we were still living opposite my grandma's flat and when she was still alive. I remember quite clearly. Not much point dwelling on the past, is there?

Looking at things, intense revision, preparation for tutorials on thursday and lectures on friday are in the plans tomorrow (or today). Can't quite remember if I'd ever studied during CNY.
Amazingly, finally managed to finish Totto-chan on the first day of CNY, after it had nearly become a home for spiders (exaggerating), and am now re-reading The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy. I might actually manage to finish the 2nd reading.

Think I'll manage to catch the webcast tomorrow.

Or I'll just head out to watch I Not Stupid 2. *grins*

CNY day 2

Spotted at Mum's sister's place today (Monday, 30th January 2006): a white, barking furball

I present to you, Yippie! Or is it Yippy? Whichever. He's really cute and active. Run everywhere. He barks real loudly. I think all dogs bark at that volume. Whatever. He's just really really cute!

We were happily leaving the place with my mum's sister's family when I realized that one of the sons was wearing those most hated shoes:These are the genuine Croc shoes. A nicely taken shot too. I couldn't quite believe my eyes initially. I was thinking "Kitchen shoes" while staring at them and was contemplating whether I should tell him the story of how chef's shoes were like that. Somehow these genuine crocs look better than those that I've seen previously. Is it only me?

At my aunt's place...
I present to you, the-fish-that-likes-to-pose!



The fish was looking at me and my camera! =D Cute! Told you it likes posing.

Then there's this other fish that completely ignored me when I was trying to take a picture of it:

It just swam right past. I thought I heard it say, "Aiya, go away lah! I'm busy waiting for somebody to massage me."
FYI, the "somebody" is my father. Apparently this fish likes being touched. The other one above would mistake our hand for food.

I think I maintained my weight, but haven't weighed myself, so won't get my hopes up too high.

FINALLY, an audio clip!

The Professor by Damien Rice.

FINALLY managed to put an audio clip up! Thanks Siu Hang for the code! (Dependency and Independency. I just went against my former post of "I will still be Independent". And then there's interdependency... How's this for an actual demonstration of twisting facts? Or am I really twisting the facts? =P Confusing.) How ironic that I ended up with an audio clip when I said that it sucked.

Oh I still prefer The Blower's Daughter. =P

Actually after listening to it a couple of times, The Professor's actually nice. Like it! =D Here are the lyrics:

The Professor

Well I don't know if I'm wrong
Cause she's only just gone
Here's to another relationship
Bombed by excellent breed of gamete disease
I'm sure when I'm older I'll know what that means
Cried when she should and she laughed when she could
Here's to the man with his face in the mud
And an overcast play just taken away
From the lover's in love at the centre of stage yeah
Loving is fine if you have plenty of time
For walking on stilts at the edge of your mind
Loving is good if your dick's made of wood
And the dick left inside only half understood her
What makes her come and what makes her stay?
What make the animal run, run away yeah
What makes him stall, what makes him stand
And what shakes the elephant now
And what makes a man?
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know
No I don't know you any more
No, no, no, no...
I don't know if I'm wrong
'Cause shes only just gone
Why the fuck is this day taking so long
I was a lover of time and once she was mine
I was a lover indeed, I was covered in weed
Cried when she should and she laughed when she could
Well closer to god is the one who's in love
And I walk away cause I can
Too many options may kill a man
Loving is fine if it's not in your mind
But I've fucked it up now, too many times
Loving is good if it's not understood
Yeah, but I'm the professor
And feel that I should know
What makes her come and what makes her stay?
What make the animal run, run away and
What makes him tick apart from him prick
And the lonelier side of the jealousy stick
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know
No I don't know, I don't know, I don't know
No I don't know, I don't know, I don't know
Hell I don't know you any more
No, no, no no...
Well I don't know if I'm wrong
'Cause she's only just gone
Here's to another relationship
Bombed by my excellent breed of gamete disease
I finished it off with some French wine and cheese
La fille danse
Quand elle joue avec moi
Et je pense que je l'aime des fois
Le silence, n'ose pas dis-donc
Quand on est ensemble
Mettre les mots
Sur la petite dodo

One whole lump of lyrics. Sorry if the word "fuck" and "dick" offended you. It's the song! Not me! =D

Happy CNY Day 2, everybody!

I was Independent

and I will still be Independent

Irritation; Irrational

I tell you, I AM VERY IRRITATED!

Mostly it is because of myself. I believe it is because of me that I am irritated because I am irrational. I am always irrational. Somehow I am always wrong somewhere and my childish, irrational mind refuses to accept the logical points that the other side of my mind is making.
It's like telling a spoilt child that candy is bad for his teeth.

I don't like lying to myself. But sometimes I twist the truth around and tell myself that this is not called lying. If you can't even be truthful to yourself, then you can't be truthful to others.

Then sometimes I'd sit and wait for a miracle to happen, for others to make me change my mind. It's pretty silly, really. The only person who can change your mind is really yourself. Others only make the situations clearer to you so that you can decide for yourself whether or not you want to change your mind and take one path or the other. So our decisions are really controlled by ourselves. Does the line "I want to change your mind" really stand then? How can one change another's mind? It is never a direct action but one of consequence.

If I can't control how things turn out, how other's think and feel, then there really is no need to think so much.
To relax, release, and let things take their course. I'll make decisions only when I need to and there's really no need to bother about other's decisions. It's their choice.

Release.

I feel so good.

CNY day 1

Happy Chinese New Year!

Relative says to me, "Please, don't grow thinner liao hor!"
Rephrase: "Please grow fatter."

Friends, please feed me.

(Wah, I very physically and emotionally tired, really no mood to write.)

Ok, so was at relative's place and with us there was my cousin eugene and his wife. I looked at them and thought that they aren't really that older than me, but they are married already and most importantly, they have had sex! Which means that they must have lost their virginity, preferably to each other. Which brought me to the interesting scene of imagining them doing it. Ok, I'm sick in the mind. But I just sat and wonder what is different between them since that night? How did they feel? What did they think?
Nothing important, it just kind of popped into my mind. Then I had this interesting conversation with my mum. I told her what I was thinking about them and then she said that next time when I'm married and doing it with my husband, she will be wondering what and how I am doing it... Haha... I kiddingly told her that, assuming my husband is a virgin (and ASSUMING that virgins don't know where a girl's hole is), I would call her the next morning and tell her, "He couldn't find my hole!" =D Haha, sorry, I just thought that it was really funny.
Ok, I'm sick in the mind.

So, where was I?..
Oh right! Pictures!

YY and me. Pretty YY! And messy me (as usual)! I think I should just cut off a whole chunk of my hair or something.


Delicious steamboat dinner! Remember when I said I wanted to gain weight?


Prior to that dinner, and lots of snacking, I weigh 41kg. SEE THE PICTURE! I never bluff hor! I really weigh 41kg! Actually I had already gained 1kg within a day with all that snacking. I tell you, after that dinner and all the tidbits, I weigh 42.5kg!
*evil laughter* I gained 1.5kg within a day!

All of which I would lose within a single night's sleep. Plus I think I'll go swimming tomorrow morning. But the point is that I gained 1.5kg! That's an incredible feat! Oh shucks, is that my stomach growling? I think I'm hungry again.

I think my aunt is trying to train me to drink or trying to get me drunk. How come she pours more red wine for me compared to my other cousins?!


Not a lot of wine, but still more as compared to others lor! A whole bunch more can! Plus it was refilled.

The Blower's Daughter

I once put "And so it is." as my MSN nick and Cindy started a conversation with me, telling me that my nick is one of the lines for Damien Rice's The Blower's Daughter.
A thoroughly nice song. Would like to put the song up here but I haven't found another host to upload it to and I haven't learnt how to put an audio clip up here. Plus after quite an irritating experience on Siu Hang's blog where the song never got past the first paragraph... =P Ok, so maybe I don't have the patience to wait for the song to load, but it just plays halfway and then it kinda fades off like that.
Actually it doesn't fade off, it sto-






-ops in the middle and then continues after half a minute or so of pause.
Wait, why am I writing so much on that audio clip?!
So here's the song The Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice. Anybody recommends any host?

The Blower's Daughter

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

Some neighbour is cooking a marvellous meal, I can smell it! Happy Lunar New Year everybody! Time for reunion dinner!

Dear Diary; once loved doing

Dear Diary,

Is this stage 2 already? If it is, I hate stage 2. Let me pass it quickly.

Steph
----------
When things that you once loved doing becomes a burden... Life becomes boring. Once said that it could be because of the loss of focus. Why can't it be perhaps I don't love doing it anymore? That's a depressing thought.

Example: I feel no urge to go for band pracs anymore. No satisfaction, no desire, no love. Tell me what this is. Tell me what to do?

People always want to stand out from the crowd. They dress to attract attention, to prove that they are different. Ironically, I want to blend in. I stand out for the wrong reasons.

Alumni prac later. *Sigh*
----------
pleasestephnomoretrophiespleaseidon'twantnomore

Yesterday at Esplanade; Other

Am feeling unexpectedly relieved and free right now because now there is that clear line between us and as long as we're not physically touching, I can think clearly. =D Thinking is good!
Before you start asking me what is happening, please check and see if you are in the category of people qualified to ask me questions relating to this by reading the last paragraph of this entry under the heading "Other". Thanks.

Anyway, was at Esplanade last night watching, or should I say attempting to watch, this performance put up by the students and teachers of Yong Siew Toh Conservatory of Music. Besides the fact that there is this boy in yellow shirt making quite a bit of noise, I couldn't understand what the performance was about. I'll deal with things one at a time.

Kid in Recital Studio

Boy-in-yellow-shirt, about 9 or 10 years old was seated 2 rows in front of where we were seated and from the very first piece (which was very abstract) started to make noise. At first it was "What is this about?" by him, so I didn't quite blame him because the piece was really abstract. Thought that he would just fall asleep and end of story. No, he was awake and in subsequent pieces started to insist, quite loudly, that he wants to go home. Recital studio is small and built to reflect sound, so I believe everybody could hear him quite clearly. His mother was trying to quieten him and to my amusement, always chose points in the performances which were relatively quiet or completely silent to make her point. At one time I glanced towards her and saw, to my horror, that she was talking on the phone. I was really quite irritated then. At one point between pieces a caucasian lady was telling the boy to keep quiet. How embarrassing if they were tourists (which I'm sure they're not) and they witnessed such behaviour - boy noisy and mother on phone, plus mother didn't take the initiative to take her kids out.

Throughout I was wondering what the boy would grow up to be. He might turn out to be a really distinguished musician/composer who absolutely don't like abstract music and who might write music that is widely appreciated. No, not pop music, but truly beautiful music that the vast majority would recognize and understand it as artistic and marvellous. Then the newspapers would interview him and he would share his experience on why or how he became how he is today (which would be how he heard completely incomprehensible music in his young age at one performance, thought it boring, made his point and then got chased out, which made him determined to prove himself right and all of them wrong), how rebellious he was when he was young, and say that "Young children should be given the right to make their point (or noise) in performances because they can be right!"

Or he might just turn out to be a complete brat/jerk/noise-contributing-typical-singaporean.

Ah well, such is the joy of watching kids growing up.

So after much prompting by this composer with a ponytail (why do arty males mostly wear a ponytail or dress/behave like girls? Do we not have arty males who are males throughout? I believe we do. I think I have something against males having ponytails. Firstly, it is ugly. Secondly, it is ugly. Thirdly, it is still ugly.), the usher walked down to the row where the kids and mother were seated but she didn't do anything. I guess she couldn't since the next piece was already starting. We went through another agonizing piece with the kid making his point repeatedly that he wants to go home. Quite a waste, really. The piano piece was quite nice. From the layman's point of view anyway.

And then finally, the mother pulled the family of 4 out (2 kids, grandmother and her).

Performance itself - the abstract pieces

The pieces were very abstract. When pieces are abstract, people get bored because people like us don't understand a single thing that is going on.
For the first piece, the musicians playing various instruments were moving around the studio and playing single notes with varying volumes. I really did not get the piece at all. I only appreciated the fact that the musicians could keep their places in the music because the sounds that they make sounded really random to me. Plus they memorized the score. I was just amazed that they were and could listen out to one another. But then even if they played wrongly we wouldn't have realized it because it is really too abstract. Looking at it from another point, the piece is really transparent. The flute has to be very either in tune or out of tune with the other instrument that she is playing with, depending on the music. When they were out of tune, they were pleasantly out of tune. When they were in tune, it was nice. Clarinetist has a very good control over her volume. When she's soft, she's really soft. Oh, we couldn't tell when the piece was over. Thought it was just another silent part in the piece. =P So embarrassing.
Reminder: I can't judge as critically anymore. Anyway what's the point in judging. Appreciating is better, can enjoy.

Really preferred the 2nd piece, a snare drum solo on a piece showing, I presume, 4 persons playing mahjong. He was facing I think either 3 or 4 directions for the different movements of the piece, which I suppose depicts the different directions that players face. It was only at the end of the whole piece when he exclaimed something about winning a certain way (don't know how to put it down here) then I realized that it's mahjong. SEE, when it's understandable by layman like us then it is interesting! Abstract, sorry, I still haven't learnt how to appreciate them. I'm trying to, but nobody teach me, so I learn myself and it's bound to take longer.

3rd piece was by this female mallet player. Truly astounding. 4-mallets. I think she's the senior Pearlin told me about. Rolling what I like to call "the correct way". It's true, it IS the correct way to roll 4 mallets her way. She can read so many notes at one time! Some of the times it sounded like there are 2 persons playing the piece. Oh and she's charming! Body language and one's facial expression speaks a lot when you're a soloist and it was nice watching her play the piece.

4th and 5th pieces are piano pieces which I'm sorry to say I don't really know how to appreciate. Large, heavy chords. Some clashing, some not. *shrugs* I can only say that he (I think he's a teacher) is very good at reading many notes at one time. I'm a lousy pianist and I suck at listening to piano pieces.

That's about it, I think. 5 pieces in this performance. Took about an hour plus.

Other stuff

Yes, I am quite sick of people asking me if I'm attached because if I say no, people don't understand why and if I say yes, I'm lying to everyone. So I now declare that I am very much single, very available and quit asking me if I'm attached or not unless you truly care about my life, meaning I have told you about what is happening in this relationship and if you don't understand what I'm talking about (why I say relationship when I said I'm not in one) then don't bother asking please. No, I don't want to share. DON'T MSN/SMS ME YET! READ ON FIRST! If I want to tell you what is happening then I will, if not I'm sorry but it's my life. Oh for my friends who already know what is happening, yes you are free to ask me whatever you want because I know that you all truly care for me and I really appreciate (and will still need :P) all your concern.
If and when I'm attached, I will let it be known when it is appropriate, ok?

Math equation

Big leg fat/muscle/whatever from/as a result of birth/standing long periods of time

+

prolonged sudden humming in ear due to standing between 2 cymbals in one Xinfony/me joining band/worsened after playing in studio

=

one very unhappy/worried/freaking out/pissed off girl.

Now, who said maths was difficult?

1 and few words

On LY's blog I only tagged a word, "slowly..." and she understood.

In response to my "haiz" in my conversation with MZ, she said "don't haiz le... smile =)" and I truly smiled.

Friends who with words I can do away with and who can make me smile without needing to say much.

I treasure them.

An entry that shifts between the 1st and 3rd person narrative

It all started because of me and now I wonder if this gastric pain is punishment.

It seemed harmless enough to me and I didn't see the point of why it should be so large an issue until it was explained to me. It took quite some time for me to fully understand why he was angry and now I see. Besides the fact that I was keeping it from him, I guess the real reason why he got angry was that I lied. I truly didn't have any ill intentions, just that I was stupid enough not to think of what I was doing.
Then again, maybe I'm stupid enough to get the reason of why he got angry wrong, again.
I don't know, but I felt really bad when he was angry. I was frustrated, confused, lost and so pissed at myself for starting it that I wanted to cry. No, I was not angry, just pissed. At myself.
He gave in to me. Please don't. I'm a stubborn girl and I think a lot. I'd rather have your reasoning in front of me than let something pass untalked, untouched and buried under to accumulate. I don't want him to take it all in and just bear with it because if he's not happy then I'm not either and that something will just get stuck in between us and just grow and grow (then it becomes a big tree and sprouts leaves... ok, wrong.) Well, at least in my mind anyway. I told you I think a lot, too much. Get angry with me if he wants to, ignore me if it is necessary to get his point across. Or just tell me straight what's on his mind, right in my face. But then, I will feel extremely guilty whenever a person gives in me and I will get the person's point ultimately.
I tell you, I'm stubborn, but I reason. I take a long time to think and to reason and to try and get exactly what a person means to say and sometimes, sadly, I still don't, but I do my best to get it. If I shoot back at you, which I think I'm going to do soon because I think I still don't get your point, it just means I want my point to be understood as well. Or simply because I just don't get your point.
If it gets too tiring... do you think we can just forget about it? Not bury it under and let it grow but throw it away somewhere in the dump where it can rot for all I care.

So...
My point is...

When you are angry, you look scary. =P

And all I want to do is to hug you sorry.

Dark skies and shaky buildings

Internet addiction returns with the start of school.

So this is how I feel now/lately/occasionally/when school starts/when I have to work:

Ignore the date please. Yes yes, I travelled forward in time.

And this:

Yar, I know I have a time machine at home. It's sitting quite innocently in my drawer right now. Small and compact, quite perfect for satisfying the sudden urge to time travel.

I suppose when earthquake strikes, it will look like this. *touch wood*

Well that's how I feel now too, quite shaky and uncertain of myself.

I'm absolutely useless

List

1) Being hugged is a good good feeling.
2) Bad case of pimple outbreak.
3) Need to get back into study mood.
4) Bought Totto-chan.
5) Time to go exercise again.
6) Time to read the papers again.
7) Time to buy NY clothes.
8) I gained weight! =D (I weighed myself - 41kg. 1kg increment!)
9) Must gain more weight.
10) Must eat medicine on time.

Last day at PP

Last day (15th, Sunday) of Singapore Mint roadshow at Parkway Parade. A tiny bit sad, yes, because I enjoyed working with my cousin and Zong Zhen, but happy because I can finally SLEEP! Oh glorious sleep! I shall acquaint myself with you once again!

Photos taken just a few hours ago:

















I just had to put in this photo because YY in the middle looked very menacing!! =D
Then her arm around us somemore, like want to eat us up or something. =P
So it's me (cashier-master), YY(sales-master) and Zong Zhen(stock-master), from left to right. Names proudly given to us by ourselves.
Yar lah, do-re-mi, short to tall... *grumbles*






This is the nicest photo I have of us 3 together.













So they're off to OUB.. or is it UOB... Forever mixing up the alphabets. Anyway they are off to the place tomorrow (poor them) while I sleep in.

While they work I'll be reading through my texts, doing my tutorials ranking through CORS and probably hitting my head against the wall while I'm at the texts... Hmm, suddenly work sounds better.
Oh my knees are good at protesting. They're like kids. When I don't take care of them, they will make noise and get attention. Then when they make too much noise and I ignore them, they become quiet again.

Life; forever; others

Life
9am this morning, a snail was climbing quite happily up a wall.
By 5pm that same day, it was on the ground with its shell broken and dead.

How could the snail have known that it would die the very same day? Life is so very unpredictable and so very short. I always try to do things that I won't regret, but have I forgotten that by not doing things I can also regret not having done them?

To be cautious and take the well-trodden path or to take the risk and head down the unexplored one?

Then I realize that either way there will always be things that I will regret doing and things that I will not regret doing. If I take the well-trodden one, I will regret not having tried the unexplored one but I will most probably have attained something that I wanted down that path. On the other hand if I take the unexplored one and run into trouble, I might regret not being cautious enough to take the well-trodden path, but then again I would have gained the experience that the majority would not have and this I would not regret. It's all a matter of perspective.
Then I remember that whatever it is I do, as long as I'm happy, then it will be alright.

On a side-note, saw this beautiful quote on a calander:

Nothing is forever

Nothing is forever. We can only enjoy things while it lasts. If there is something that is forever, it is probably carried on and on by many many generations of humans. Refer to quote above.

Others

Extremely tired. Physically, mentally. I am a complicated person who wish to be simple. But then maybe I already am simple, but who is made complicated, or confused, by education. Maybe all I need to do is to return to the basics and think simple. But then circumstances doesn't allow me to think simple. Or do they? Maybe it's just me. Yes, I will try to think simple.

Complicatedness behind a simple front.

Trust only myself

Was so freaked out today that I was on the verge of feeling dirty. Dirty as in being raped kind of dirty. Yes, that dirty. Fortunately I didn't cross that line. Didn't feel the need to wash myself terribly clean anyway...

After today, I realize I trust myself and my reflexes the most. If my reflexes tell me no, then it most probably means it's not right and I should listen.

Didn't quite understand the meaning of respect until today when I requested for respect.

I don't know anything anymore. Constructing a barricade around myself again. Why can't things be simple and straightforward? Probably because things never are.
Is it really that difficult to find someone who I can truly connect with? It probably is.
It really doesn't take very long to find out more about myself and what I really desire.

Thanks; shaking of foot

Some things are really not to be taken for granted. For example, I cannot expect every other one of my guy friends to see me home everytime it's late. My very nice male colleague has seen me home the 2 times we take the bus together and I am really feeling quite guilty (and touched) that he does that. Taking into consideration that he is a year younger than me, he is really mature in some respects. I'm not just talking about seeing me home, I mean at work too.
Actually I just want to thank him because the route is really quiet. So thanks, although he won't be reading this.

Was reading Pearl's blog and then realized that I forgot to mention something.

This guy sitting behind me during EL lecture was shaking/tapping his foot against my chair and although I turned to stare at his apparently hairy leg, it didn't stop. I know I'm a percussionist and I love rhythms, but uh, there isn't exactly any rhythmic pattern that you are tapping out there. Perhaps some ad lib thing but that's beside the point. The point is that when you tap something, vibrations travel through the material of the chair and reaches the person who is sitting on it, which happens to be me in this case. The chair doesn't happen to have a layer of sponge to absorb the vibrations and I don't think the sole of your shoe is soft enough to reduce the vibrations, so please think.
Goodness, where are our common sense?!
I say "our" because we are all students and he is my schoolmate. I quote from the movie Drumline, "When one sounds bad, we all sound bad". Similarly, when one starts to shake physically, all of us on the same row (or in this case in front of the row) starts to shake.

There are some other things I'd like to mention but am just too tired and to do so. Involves work. Perhaps I can put it down another time when I have the time and energy.

1st day of school; work; stress

Working indeed is completely different from studying. I can't say which I prefer because the two are on completely different grounds and there are no grounds to compare on.

Taking the bus and falling asleep on the way (which I did marvellously well, taking into account that it is just the 1st day of school and I should be eager and super awake. Think people were staring at me, wondering how could I sleep on the first day of school) to school was really weird. Couldn't really get anything in in the first lecture (EL1101E) and it was just... plain weird to be sitting in a lecture theatre again. After which I got down to parkway parade to help out at the booth. Sales was horribly low today. Tomorrow will be damn hectic with it being Haji. I'm really, really tired. My poor colleagues/cousin also must take leave soon if not we'll all go crazy soon. I started laughing for no reason the day before and I think I scared the shit out of them. That's according to them. According to me, I laughed because of something and I laughed to release the stress. Smoking seemed so tempting then.
Oh, I'll be spending most of my time in LT11 because 3 out of 5 of my modules have their lectures there and I just realized the previous day's morning that I have 3 modules that have their 2-hour lectures in 3 consecutive 2-hour slots on friday morning. So I have 6 hours worth of lectures on friday morning, starting at freaking 8am, and then band in the evening.

I think I just killed myself this semester. Please congratulate me.

I always seem to screw up my biddings and timetable slots before every semester starts because I would be working full days till 12 minight when I am sleepy, and it's only then that I can think of how to arrange my timetable. *Takes deep breath. Long sentence.* Even took a day off specially before semester 1 started just to plan timetable. How on earth did I do it last semester?! The sem has barely started and I feel like I'm drowning already. Help!

So... should I continue working at Shenton (Way) after finishing at parkway? I really need the money for my books and printing of lecture notes and tutorials and whatever-not-that-needs-printing. Shucks, it's down to Bras Basah again for the texts, I guess. Which will be sometime... next week?! Since I'll be seriously working until end of this week. Oh and I need money for the snacks that I need to eat in the horrible-6-hours-worth-of-lecture-without-break friday morning and afternoon, in consideration of my stomach which is getting stronger (I think) and warning me occasionally, by playing with itself (gosh, that sounds really gross), that it really doesn't like to be left alone with no food to play around with before mashing them up into pulp.

I think I need milk chocolate again.
Like my poor colleague said for the 20th time today or something.
Stress.
I'll enjoy it. =D

Earring stub story

And within minutes, she finds her earring stub. *Grins*

She jumps around in joy, flailing her arms around, her hand grasping that stub and within a few flailings, promptly lost it again.

I'm not that silly, I didn't flail my arms around.

The stub grew wings on its own and decided that it preferred something else to stick itself to rather than to the earring in my ear.

In other words, it escaped.

*grins broadly*

grumble

Saw Elvin today at PP.

*Grumbles* He said I should not have taken Sociology as a gem because it is an easy to score subject.
Fine. Now so worried about my exams. In addition, I just lost my earring stopper. *Curses* Plus my handphone that red hanging thing fell off again today.

This is what happens when people become materialistic and we become too concerned about items that don't really matter to our survival.

But I still want to find that stopper or stub or whatever it is called! That pair of earrings have been with me for years and now I can't wear them! I want my beloved earrings!!

It's the little things; Individual

It doesn't have to be long and it doesn't have to include exclusive gifts.

He didn't have to get that strawberries dipped in chocolate because I was already pleasantly surprised to see him at parkway. I am really very touched that he actually bought those strawberries. Both times he bought them I didn't want to eat them because I'd feel guilty that he spent money on/for/because of me (well, besides the fact that I'm not really in love with those fruits-dipped-in-chocolate-and-whatever-their-actual-names-are ... but that's beside the point =p). So apologetic for that huge piece of chocolate I dropped onto the food tray. See, even my food tray wants to eat the chocolate.

Was happily packing stock and cleaning up the place, which I always seem to be doing, when I turned and saw a person looking at the display. Instinctively I started to go over to help whoever it was but within the next second I think I became a goldfish for a bit.

So anyway, I'm tired. Almost fell asleep eating lunch at work. I'm a bit brain-dead, cannot think properly and logically. So should I believe that fortune-teller or not? To follow logical explanations or to follow my heart?
Logical explanations... bleh, in this case is so ironic. How logical is a fortune? It doesn't seem to me as if fortune telling is based on logic.
That's beside the point.

Let me just drift away for a moment. Siu Hang ah, it's spelled "integers" horz, no extra "r".

Ok, back. So erm, where was I? Oh right, I was reading his blog's comments then I saw that alex, his friend (word of contention), posted this
"I really wish I can take destiny head-on, and accept whatever the outcome may be."
Think alex also said this last night or something on msn. So yeah, I was damn confused. I still am confused, but not as bad.
If things are meant to be, then so be it. I don't care as long as I don't regret what I do. If things turn out fine, then good. If things don't, then I'll deal with it when it comes. So I've decided that I'll take the chance, whatever the outcome may be.
My mental barrier is not an issue. You have to make a decision for yourself because you are an individual. Maybe I'm truly naive, like what my friends say, and that I'm being cheated but I'll wait for you to sort yourself and to sort things out.

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Exhausted and exhaustion.
Exhaust fumes and exhaust pipes.

Am just exhausted.

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