I am not wrong

Everytime I tell him I feel for him, whether the emotions are happy or sad or just missing him, I have to accompany it with the word "sorry". I don't know why I'm apologizing, or maybe I do know why I'm apologizing, just that I don't understand why I'm doing it. I apologize because I know everytime I say I feel for him, he feels bad, probably something along the line of guilt. But why should I apologize? Why should I apologize for liking him? Why should I apologize for feeling hurt? I shouldn't be apologizing. He should be telling me not to apologize. It isn't my fault for falling for him, it isn't my fault for feeling hurt. When I apologize, it doesn't feel right. I feel like I'm betraying myself, looking down on myself. It's not like he's married or engaged, I'm not doing anything wrong.

But I can't tell him because it's a burden to him, and frankly I find it difficult to keep it to myself, it's leaking out everywhere. I'm not like some who can keep to oneself. I don't find it effective, don't find it good for myself. Call me selfish, I have already admitted that I am. So telling him about my feelings is wrong? *ponders* Most probably yes.

What's the best way? Keep my feelings to myself, keep my mouth shut.

I'm writing this because about a month ago when we were sorting things out, I asked if it was wrong to like him. He hesitated before saying that it's not wrong but he'd advise me against it. I really don't like that hesitation, it bugged me. So a month later I want to tell myself and tell him and tell everybody that I am not wrong in liking him.

Do you all hear me? I like him and I am not wrong.