(Almost) Everything I'm feeling now

Flurry of activity.
Anchors.
Anchoring.
Chains
Chaining.
Drink.
Drinking.
Computer addict.
Internet addict.

Chocolate.
Cheer
Cheering.
Alcohol
More alcohol.
Club
Clubbing.
Pub
Pubbing.

Eat
Eating.
Sick
Falling sick.
Home
Go home.
Home
Come home.
Out
Go out.

Got to pave my way out of here, there, everywhere. To out there, somewhere, everywhere, nowhere. Can't see the path in front. Doors closed on the path behind. Want to drink my way out, immerse in cigarette smoke and heavy bass beats. Don't want to bother, care or think. Don't want lectures to go so fast. Don't want to go to school everyday. Don't want to eat alone. Don't want some things to change, don't want others to remain the same.

My fingertips long to touch. My hands long to hold. I long to be able to write, talk and think like in the past.

Frustrated, frustration. Confused. Angry.

Why do planes fly over my house with great noise when I finally decide to sit down and study properly?

That which gives me life is hurting me, not for myself.

I want to attend a talk on self-hurting behaviour, but the course which I chose to major in, the one in which I am supposed to learn to understand people, is the major obstacle to registering for it.

"I want to attend this talk on self-harm, but cannot..."
"What for you want to attend? You never hurt yourself mah."
-Silence-

Fulfilled. Chocolate.