Losing it

My heart is beating very fast now. I'm going to lose it very soon.

With each passing day I feel myself slipping further. I find it increasingly difficult to control myself, differentiate between imagination and reality. I crossed the line today when I asked ZH to lend me his shoulder for a while. When I lifted my head off his shoulder, I realized something is wrong. I'm taking something only imagined inside me and acting it out. I'm obeying my darkest desires. That was only the first step. I know that it won't be long soon before I really lose it.

My mind. I don't have control over it.

Everything is a blur. I want to hide somewhere where nobody can find me. I laugh but I don't laugh. I see but I don't see. It's so easy to fake nowadays. I can't breathe properly and there's something pressing against my throat. It feels so bad. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm losing something.

Now I just push it back down. This horrible sensation. Down, down, deep deep down. I can feel its presence down there. It feels so bad, so bad, so bad so bad so bad so bad.