Grandfather's birthday celebration - 9th July 2006

9th July 2006, Sunday

Last night was at my Grandfather's birthday celebration. Wasn't much of a celebration really. My family went late, at about 7pm so didn't really interact a lot. With each coming year, celebrations get less warm and less interesting. It becomes mostly a tradition, habit, courtesy. I have a big family, but I wonder how close we really are. My family can be split into two, since my grandfather had 2 wives. They are closer to their own, we are closer to our own. My father's generation is still closer to each other, but down to us, I don't even know who are my cousins and what are their names. Some, I have never talked to before.

When it was time the cut the cake, they never waited for everybody to gather to sing the birthday song. Only the grandchildren and great-grandchildren were gathered around him. I didn't even see what the cake was like when it was whole. People started realizing that they were cutting the cake when the birthday song was sung suddenly in unison by the group of kids and a few adults who were in charge of cutting the cake. YY commented, "They never wait for us! My father is still sleeping in the car!" I was disheartened.

With each passing year, it has become an obligation. Boredom. I am aware that it won't take very long for my grandparents to go down the path my grandma took. But will I regret? Perhaps not, because I am fully aware of how things are and there is no point regretting. Then again, I might, because it would be nice to have everybody gathered around and singing a birthday song.
As the cake was further cut and distributed, my grandfather stood at the side, not in front of his cake. His children and grandchildren swarmed around the cake, fussing over how it should be cut, laughing loudly. I look at the scene and see irony. They have their backs turned towards him now, attention on the cake, when by right their attention should be on him. At a certain point in the future, which will happen only once, all of our attention will be focused on him. Shan't talk about that. I just see the irony.

Managed to talk to my grandfather once when he was standing at the side, watching the cake being cut. I wished him happy birthday. Not much passed between us and I wonder why I didn't make more effort then.

It was supposed to be a joyous occasion, but people wanted to go home. YY and her sister wanted it to be over soon. Me? My entire mind was occupied with him. What else? I saw dislike within family members. It embarrassed me. While in the past I would have spoken right out what I thought of these kind of things to those concerned, telling them the possible explanation for each party's actions, now I hardly do it anymore. I don't know where I got the energy to listen and explain to people in the past.

That was how my grandfather's birthday celebration went. I didn't even know how old he was.