Day 5

The same way he fears reading my blog because I might raise some crap, I fear reading his blog for these "Lesson for life" or suggestions or... you know. This time round it's "Don't let go too soon, but don't hang for too long." I know it doesn't mean me but... *shrug*
Sometimes I fear getting his SMSes during periods when we quarrel. I'm scared of what he'll suggest, what he'll say. Scared of how I'll react.

Scared that he don't want me anymore.

Now that it's true, I've learnt to cope with it and it isn't so bad anymore - so long as I keep away from him.

Today while walking at Compass Point with my family, I was thinking about him again. All of a sudden I could remember how it felt when he hugged me. The hardness of his body because he's skinny. Mostly now I can hardly remember how he looks like nor how he smells, or how it feels to have him hold me and to lay my head on his chest. That exhilaration, not believing that all this is real, that I have a guy in my arms and he's holding me as well. Contented, safe, protected. For a few minutes today, the sensations came back to me and there was a rush of emotions inside me. Something welled up in my throat for a second, then it was gone.

Gone. Just memories left.

It's Day 5.