Day 3 musings

It's day 3. Day 3. I get an undescribable pleasure at reading and seeing him update his blog.

It wasn't that difficult not to think about messaging him today either. But I kept on throwing glances at my handphone the whole of today. I wake up and switch on my handphone every morning, hoping that there would be a message from him. Since I have already deleted his number from my phone, any message from him would be from an unknown number. This morning, there really was a messge from an unknown number.

It just wasn't him.

I didn't talk about this: On day 1, I picked up my handphone and typed a message. Hope you are feeling better. I know I'd never be able to send it. I just typed it anyway. Then I cleared the screen. It makes me feel better, just typing out what I want to tell him.

On the way home from work today, I saw this young couple, in secondary school, together. It got me thinking. Why? Because it was obvious that they are more than ordinary friends, the way they stood facing each other, bodies at a closer distance to each other than normal friends. Yet there was a kind of innocence around them. They weren't touching, weren't holding hands. Innocent love, was the first thing that popped up into my mind. So unlike other numerous couples I have seen behaving intimately publicly. Not to say that I haven't done so, which is why I fully understand why couples behave the way they do. It is also one of the main reason why I am amazed at how this particular couple behaved. Not only this young couple, but some other rare ones too. Ok, so maybe I thought I saw the guy having a hard-on, but I'm not sure. I have never consciously looked at how a normal guy's dick looks like in pants. I mean whether or not there is a bulge. Anyway, this young couple was just talking and enjoying each other's company. There was the occasional arm around waist from the guy but nothing too serious. It looked as if the 2 of them could go a long way.

I was reminded of when I saw my XMSB senior on the train some time back, with her boyfriend. Very very senior. Don't think she recognizes me anymore. They were just talking to each other, very engrossed in conversation, looking as if they would never run out of things to say, listening attentively. They weren't behaving intimately. When they got off at the same train station as me, they simply held hands. I could feel the love for each other oozing out of them and I was jealous. Do you know what I mean? At that moment, I finally understood what Elvin once told me - that he has seen many relationships which he knew would never last. Now I understand what he meant by a relationship that would last.

I once read not too long ago, in a book called Played, where a boy asks his mentor how to be a good man to a woman. The mentor replies that at the very least, he should be there as a friend to the woman. Friend. Meaning ability to talk, communicate, listen, comfort etc. without the physical intimacy. Connecting through the heart and mind.

It was today on the MRT, while watching them, that all these went through my mind. I realize that that is what matters. Connecting through the heart and mind. Yes, physical intimacy gives the relationship some spark, but should not completely replace it, nor take up the majority of the aim of the relationship. It struck me that friendship is still the best and that perhaps I should just stick with it. Put romantic relationships out of mind for now. If it decides to pop up then see how. Afterall, there is nothing quite like engaging in a heart-to-heart talk with a close one, or just joking around, teasing and casual chatting. Yes, that fire up one's genitals might also be compared to a talk, but well... *shrugs* you get my point. Actually I think to spend some time in bed with your loved one and talking before/during/after making love is the best. Gets the best of both worlds. I wouldn't know anyway.

What am I talking about?! I should be placing talking above sex!

Don't bother about me. I'm just darn tired. Eyes are on the verge of closing. Forgive me if this entry is slightly in coherent and is bountiful with mistakes. My mind is not working properly.

Sleep!
Day 3. Perhaps, I would dream about him.