Thoughts

*ponders* What if I became a bitch? No no, not a female dog that kind of bitch. Just, you know, a fussy, selfish woman who nags, complains, whines, backstabs, bootlicks, jump onto every wagon of opportunity which includes bedding that boss of hers in order to get that promotion. You know, that typical bitch. Not that it sounds very nice, just that it is much easier to be bad than good sometimes. Don't have to bother about reputation. My wants are priority! If I did something for a person, I'd expect him/her to pay me back double. Or however the person tries to pay back, he/she would forever be in my debt! Like if I helped a person with his/her test once and he/she treated me to a meal, next time I need a favour, I would remind the person that I once helped him/her with his/her test once and that a meal was nothing compared to the importance of the test result, thus he/she is obliged to help me this time round. Complete bitch.
Some bitches think, some bitches don't. Maybe I can be one of those who don't think. Then I can have things the way I want, flare up when I want, bootlick whoever whenever I want and not think of the consequences. So easy. I can toss my now-short-but-in-near-future-long-hair, turn up my nose, roll my eyes and declare that another person is beneath me.
Or perhaps a foul-mouthed one like how I have been in the past 2 posts. *shrug* If you don't like it, too bad. I was angry. When I'm angry and let loose, I curse. Actually I don't like that me either and I would like to control, but I admit I'm not very good at keeping emotions in, or my temper. So I flare up at anybody and anything without thinking properly. In the past couple of years I was able to think deeply and thoroughly before I said anything but nowadays, my brain seem to have ceased to work properly.
No inspiration to blog. Think my first blog was better than this. Go read those instead.

For the past few months I've been used to telling him about everything. And I really mean everything. Now to stop feels a little weird. I found myself wondering now who do I tell all these stuff to? All the things that in the past I would tell him. I began to search my memory as to what I did with all these stuff way before I knew him so as to help myself revert back again. To my surprise, I couldn't remember. In fact, I don't even remember if I ever told anybody anything similar to those that I told him, or if there were times that I would have the urge to just whip out my phone and send a message to somebody. I wonder if that is because there were no such times. That it started only with him. I really don't remember. These words are not said with sadness, but they are facts. It's amazing how such a short period can change quite a bit of things. I don't remember how it is like to be single and carefree and yearning for somebody in the most naive sense. Especially that last part. It's just all different. I wonder if I would like to be back there again, take away a year or so, but then decided I would not.

I'm like glass. Give me warmth and I'll be soft and easy to handle, shape. Treat me coldly and I'm hard but fragile as well. If I break, I'll cut you and even possibly leave scars. I don't let people forget if I don't forget. I can remember details to complete accuracy, but I can also forget things in a hurry. I'm not dangerous. Hardly am. I'm a female. If you know how to handle their emotions, you have them in your grasp.
But oh, can we all handle emotions?