Lost

Missing is such a terrible thing. Two weeks later and I'm missing him more than I missed him for the whole of the 2 weeks added up together. Probably. Does a person have to give a reason for missing somebody? Because I just do and I don't understand why. It's even worse when I know that this time round I can't ask him out.

It's like a string that tugs at my heart and pulls me down as well. I have my fingers on the edge of the well but the walls are slippery and my fingers are tired. Gravity pulls me down. Everytime I slip down a little I pull myself up by my fingers. But as more time pass, my fingers lose their strength. I slip down more each time and I can't pull myself up back to the top before I slip again. I don't want to slip down again, yet if I also want to because I'm tired. I know that if I let go, I will fall to the bottom of the well and the fall will hurt me greatly, but my fingers will be relieved of its ache. Each day pass and I slip down more. The circle of light I see is getting smaller everyday. Somebody's up there. I can see his silhouette against the bright sunlight. He is waving at me. He is talking to me, telling me jokes. In the beginning when I don't see that dark figure, my fingers seem to grow stronger and I hang onto the edge tirelessly. When he comes and sits and talks to me, I feel the pull of gravity. But slowly, it became the other way round. When he is there, I feel strong. When he's not, the darkness seems to call me. Yet the darkness does not seem so dark anymore. I see the light in it, a different kind of light. It is welcoming. The brightness at the top doesn't seem so inviting anymore. There is a kind of dark tinge to it. I no longer know which way is gravity pulling. Is the lightening darkness good? Or would I find something else at the top of the well? The darkness of the well starts to blur with the light of the day. Which way is which? Why does the person at the top keep talking but not help me? What does he see when he looks in the well? Which way is up? Which way is down? Is this darkness light? Is the light dark? My mind is filled with questions and nobody can or will give me the answers. Unanswered questions.

I'm Lost.