Just... gone

He's just ... gone. And I never knew.

Suddenly I know what is it that I miss. It is not this him that I miss. I miss the other him and I can't contact the other him. It's a bit like a virtual person, like that person's already gone. Does anybody know what I'm saying? Then suddenly I feel like crying all over again because reality kinds of hit me in the face. Because his smses are not his smses. I can catch a glimpse of that other him in those short messages but I can never reach out to that him. I read his blog but it's not him that I see. I can't tell him that I miss him because it's not him. I can only talk to him in my mind and in my dreams because that is where he exists. I think I'm really stupid because I don't even know the person I fell for. I didn't even know when he left. Then that rush again - I just feel like dying.

Somebody just tell me that I'm just talking crap.