11pm - Just home

Don't know what I was doing today. It's like it wasn't me. I look back and I don't see the reason behind what I was doing. Hell, I wasn't even feeling anything. Not angry, not pissed, not upset. Just a void, like I know I have to do this, that probably it's time to do it. So I did it and went back, the void bigger, gradually making itself known. A few hours later, I finally recognize that void and the ache that comes with it. Both times, irrationality. Don't know when I will learn. Probably never will. Like I said, I make people lives pretty miserable.

Doesn't matter what I say now either because this time round I know I've pushed it too far. I know I probably shouldn't post this either. It's not for publication, but somehow it is also to be read. My sincere apologies. But do apologies help? What can apologies do? Doesn't matter, I still need to say it.

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I look ahead and I see seconds turn into minutes, minutes into hours, hours... just drag on. Suddenly I see the world in black, grey and white again.
There are stones in my shoes, every step taken is torture.
My feet are rocks, it takes so much effort to move them.
Don't want to be free, keeping myself busy.
If I'm free, then talk, sleep - the easy way out.
But will my dreams be haunted with my waking thoughts?
I pat my pillow thrice, "Go away, Thoughts," I thought.

It's 11pm, and I'm just home.

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From www.engrish.com