Why?
Gave Evocation'06, a dance ensemble by NUS Dance Club a miss today because
a) Psych test tomorrow which I haven't studied for, and
b) I want to puke. Don't know why felt disgusted at the fish and chips I bought and couldn't finish the whole thing. Just thinking about it makes my stomach lurch a tiny bit.
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I'm very confused, can somebody help me? If I don't like him, then why do I feel happy when I saw him this morning? Why do I feel sad when he ignored me when he walked past me today in the canteen? Why do I miss him? I almost reached out to stop him in this path both times but I didn't.
Yet I was truly relieved that Tuesday night when I admitted it to myself and to him. Why?
I had similar dreams on 2 consecutive nights involving him. Why? I couldn't remember what they were about but I remember I was happy. I think my brain incorporated what I wanted to happen into my dreams. When I woke up I believed that my dreams were real and for that full 3-5 seconds, I believed that my handphone contained those messages I dreamt I received.
Why?
I don't even understand myself.
Can somebody decide for me? No, of course not.
I'm still very confused and I have a stupid test tomorrow. Told you I dread this semester. I mean this year.
What does it mean to like somebody? How does it feel like? Surely it is not this relief I felt. It is not this readiness to give him up.
He's hurt, but I don't sense anything. Why? Is it because I didn't say it to him in the face? Didn't see his expression, can't hear the tone of his voice?
And why do I feel like I do above? And why do I not want to lose him? I don't understand. Am I too hasty? Am I too hasty? Am I in the wrong? Am I too naive?
Or am I just feeling like that because I can't let go yet? Because of familarity?
I don't know and I'm terribly sorry. I tend to mess things up pretty much most of the time. Have I mentioned I almost got lost walking from FASS to UCC, when all I needed to do was to follow a straight path?
Will you all sort it out for me?
posted by tstar @ 5:01 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
well isn't there are only two possibilities:
1) you have some real feelings towards him
2) you have just a temporary affection
and the only way to find out is to try (step deeper), someone might get hurt, but there's really no other way, unless you want to leave things as they are and then keep on blaming yourself for not giving it a try. I believe that people should act the way they feel, they way they they sincerely feel, it all may and may not work out, but at least you tried and realised that it was right or wrong, but believe me, it is better than simply leaving things as they are and letting everything go on its own.
my 2 cents.
hi annoymous!
Thanks for your analysis and suggestions... =)
To try must have 2 willing parties, how can 1 want to try and the other don't want to? I think I got tired of hanging in the middle of nowhere with nothing to hold on to.
The problem is that I don't know how I feel, how to act the way I feel?
well, i guess you have to sort out how you feel first, otherwise you may be demanding/asking for something that you don't really want. See, i think that many problems are there because of lack of communication, because we are too shy/humble to actually talk about problems and sort the whole thing out with other person in person, to ask to explain actions/words and have a chance to explain yours. But that's just an i idead and i know jack shit about relations :)
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